


Untitled as of yet.

by OliverWilde



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Coming Out, Dialogue Heavy, Dumbledore's Army, Enemies to Friends, Gay Male Character, Hermione Granger is a Good Friend, M/M, Nice Severus Snape, Not Canon Compliant, Outing, Past Abuse, Ron Weasley Bashing, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2019-09-17 12:39:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 24,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16974720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OliverWilde/pseuds/OliverWilde
Summary: ‘You don’t owe me anything, you’ve saved my life more times than I even know of.’‘We’ll call it even then Potter, I didn’t need to behave as I did.’‘That is true, but sir I don’t want you to start treating me like… well like how Lockhart did.’‘Believe me, there is no risk of that,’ Snape said with a hint of something more than a smirk on his face. Harry looked to his right only to see those signature black robes billowing through the door into the castle.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all, I am new to this whole fanfiction biz but have decided to be more commenty, all your comments so far have been much appreciated. Please let me know if you would prefer authors notes, or aren't really bothered.  
> Warning: I use way too many contractions, ellipses and commas. Also, there is so much dialogue because the heck why not?

‘Mr. Potter, will you stop your incessant moaning… I’m sure Mr Weasley and Miss Granger have gotten used to it, but I for one won’t tolerate it. You may be  _ the Chosen one _ but that doesn't give you the right to interrupt my class.’

‘Yes,  _ sir _ ’ Harry bites out, trying to hold his tongue but failing, he adds ‘though perhaps if you were to make lessons a little less mind-numbing I wouldn't feel the need to “incessantly moan”...  _ Professor _ ’ he spits out with instant regret realising it is a Hogsmeade weekend.

‘Ten points from Gryffindor and detention, Potter. You should know by now where arguing with me gets you.’ comes the snide reply through gritted teeth. Harry doesn’t reply, resorting instead to glare at Professor Snape for the remaining five minutes of the lesson. ‘Potter, remain after class to sort out the details of your detention.’

As the last of the class head for the exit Harry leans on the bench pretending to find his old copy of ‘ _ Magical Drafts and Potions _ ’ to be an enthralling read. As the heavy dungeon door creaks shut Harry looked up from his book, and when he couldn’t see Snape he turned around to see him sitting on the stool by the door with his arms crossed.

‘Did you want to tell me what that was about, Potter? 

‘Not particularly.’

‘I’d have thought you’d prefer to have gone to Hogsmeade tomorrow,’ Snape paused, stood up and walked to the middle of the room. ‘You were riled up since the start of class, so I suggest you tell me what the bother is, I may be able to solve it and finally get some information about moonstones through that thick skull of yours.’

‘I’d really rather not talk about it, professor.’

‘Well as it is Dumbledore has informed me that you are to start learning occlumency this term’

‘What’s that?’

‘Really, you’d think after being raised by muggles and being introduced to the wizarding world the least you could do is pick up a book… Occlumency is the magical defence of the mind against external penetration. An obscure branch of magic, but a highly useful one’ 

‘I’m not mad, and I’m not being possessed! Ginny said you black out and I haven't.’ Harry shot back with an air of desperation.

‘We all know that, but the headmaster thinks it’s a good idea’

‘Of course he does’ Harry rolled his eyes, ‘so who is going to teach me?’

‘I am.’

‘You? Why you?’

‘Because Potter, I am a master Occlumens. We will meet once a week and you are to tell no one of this especially Dolores Umbridge’

‘What about Ron and Hermione?’

‘Fine, but ensure they keep their blabbering mouths shut about it… and if anyone should ask you are taking remedial Potions. Monday evenings at six, my office; and seeing as you are my only Saturday detention... So far, you will come to my office and read the theory.’ 

‘Remedial potions? You have got to be kidding me.’

‘Well, it isn't as though anyone who has seen you in my classes can deny your need for extra tutoring.’

‘Fine,’ said Harry taking a deep breath and made his way to the door.

‘And Potter, If you should ever need to talk… about whatever it is  _ boy wonder _ is having trouble with, you  _ can _ talk to me. I know I haven’t been kind to you these last few years but I will be truthful.’

‘Umm thanks, professor… I’ll keep that in mind.’ Harry eyed him suspiciously before turning and leaving through the dungeon door.

Finding Ron and Hermione just around the corner arguing about something potions related Harry decided to just keep walking hoping they would leave the episode in class be, for now, he could tell them about the ‘remedial potions’ lessons later… right now he just wanted to get to his History of Magic class because at least there he knows he can't get himself into any more trouble.

‘Come on guys class will be starting in a minute’ Harry moaned walking up the stairs, Ron and Hermione following, finally deciding to stop their arguing in order to fawn over Harry.

‘So what's the prognosis, Harry?’ Hermione said catching up to him.

‘I don’t really want to go into it right now, I’ll tell you guys after classes.'

‘That bad huh? I mean why did you even say anything to the greasy git, you know he loves to give you detentions.'

'I said I don’t want to talk about it Ron!' 

'Of Course Harry, whenever you’re ready… just as long as you know that Ron and I are here for you if and when you need to talk.'

'Sure, when you’re not fighting, seriously it’s like we’re back in third year and Ron can’t find Scabbers,' and with that Harry stormed ahead and walking in with the rest of the class took a seat in the back corner away from everyone else. He could use some time to think.

 

_ You really shouldn’t be so rude to your friends like that, they only ever try to help you. _

_ I know but all they ever do is argue and after all we’ve been through I can’t go to them with something as trivial as this _

_ Are you sure? I mean Hermione would be great _

_ Yeah but Ron would have a fit, you know he doesn’t react well with surprises _

_ You’re gay, you’re not exactly throwing a surprise party or anything and I mean come on surely it can’t be that big a surprise to everyone… you did let that thing slip about Oliver Wood last year _

_ You could always just tell Hermione and that way you have some back up with Ron _

_ Wow, you are overthinking this way too much Harry… Hermione might even be proud, if only you thought this much about actual subject mat… _

 

There was a poke on his shoulder as Hannah Abbott handed over a note

'Uhh thanks Hannah' he whispered, unfolding the note.

_ ‘You sure you’re okay mate? _

_ Sorry about the arguing and all _

_ We just wanna be here for you’ _

Harry looked up to see Ron turned around in his chair giving him a sympathetic smile, Harry returned the look and got his quill and inkpot out of his bag to write his reply

_ ‘Yeah mate I'm sorry _

_ I'm just going through my own stuff right now and I’ll tell ya when I’m ready.  _

_ I've got some interesting stuff to talk to you two about after class I think maybe outside would be the best place to talk so there won't be anyone around and look I'm really sorry about before, you and Hermione mean the world to me and I really appreciate you guys sticking with me… no matter what right? _

_ Also maybe give this to Hermione so she knows’ _

 

As they were getting ready to leave the Common Room geared up with their scarves and coats Harry decided to talk to Hermione before Ron came down

‘Err Hermione, I just wanted to tell you something before Ron comes down because well I’m not really sure about anything and so I don’t want him knowing and you know, being all Ron about it. And I mean I know you guys are close so if you don't think you could not tell him that's fine it can wait until later it's just… well yeah I don't know how he’ll react or anything and um or what he’ll say…’ by this point, Harry had started shaking and a couple tears and streamed down his thankfully mostly covered face

‘Harry It’s fine, calm down and breathe. You can tell me anything, I won’t tell Ronald’

‘Alright well, the thing is… Merlin this is ridiculous. I can’t even say it’

‘Just take a deep breath’

‘Okay, I…well I think I might be gay’ he let out in a whisper that even Hermione, though only inches from his face could barely hear.

‘Oh Harry, that’s okay… you know I don’t care, well I do care of course… Look, you love who you love and aww Harry come here’ she pulled him in for a hug ‘I love you no matter what, now will you get that through your thick skull and stop being so snarky’

Pulling away from the hug and tears streaming down his face he took a deep breath ‘Thanks ‘Mione and don’t worry I will’

‘Will what?’ Ron had joined them holding a bag of lollies containing his last remaining sweets from his Honeydukes collection ‘Blimey mate, are you alright?’

‘He’s perfectly fine aren’t you harry? He was just telling me that he’s going to try and have a bit more patience with us’ Hermione stated with a smile to harry ‘now come on you two we better go if we’re going to make it back in time for dinner’ and with that they headed out of the portrait hole and towards the grounds.

 

At dinner, they sat at the end of the Gryffindor table to try and get even just the smallest bit of peace away from the rest of their classmates. Ron had a bit of parchment and a pen out (now preferring to use pens since Hermione introduced him to them) writing down a list of stuff to get Harry while in Hogsmeade while Hermione was listing things to look up in the library about occlumency and anything else related to the subject. Harry was able to breathe a bit easier now knowing they were both helping him in their own ways, and having Hermione give him reassuring smiles was comforting beyond belief.

Harry hadn’t told them about Snape’s offer to talk and really he wasn’t sure if he wanted to yet because maybe it would be good to talk to someone that wasn't going to coddle him and treat him like royalty… snape would at least be honest with him and Merlin knows why but Harry trusted Snape, after all, he had saved his life many times over. Looking up at the staff table he saw Professor Snape already looking at him curiously, Harry returned his gaze not daring to be the one who looked away until Ron’s voice pierced his focus and he looked down at the list Ron was showing him.

‘Is there anything else you think you might want?’

‘I’m on my last packet of jelly slugs… I go through them like nobody’s business’

‘I added Butterbeer because The Three Broomsticks are now doing bottles...  according to Fred and George at least.’

‘You called?’ sang Fred and George in unison leaping in front of the table.

‘We didn’t actually… oh hey, do you guys know if they discontinued those Sugar Quills?’

‘That they did little brother, but now they have jumbo packets of sherbet lemons I believe, isn’t that right Fred?’ 

‘Sure is George, Dumbledore has obviously been putting his say in the suggestion box. Now Harry, do you mind if we talk in private? It’ll only take a minute’

‘Cross out hearts’ chimed the twins.

‘Yeah sure’ said Harry, making his way after them as they headed down a flight of stairs.

‘Now Harry’ started George ‘You really do need to be more careful, a busy Gryffindor common room is not the place to be shouting out deep dark secrets.’

Harry’s face turned red and he quickly started looking around

‘You don’t need to worry Harry, you’re like our favourite little brother but maybe next time you might want to think about casting a muffilito, not even our extendable ears can hear you then.’

‘Oh and Harry, about what we heard’ Fred muttered ‘you don’t need to worry about us, George here has had a crush on Lee Jordan since the start of our second year… I wouldn't go telling Ron just yet though, good call, he can be a bit tricky when it comes to shocks.’

The boys fell silent for a minute as black robes billowed past them clearly heading for the dungeons, the three of them stared until there was no longer a sign of anyone.

‘Alright you better go back to the great hall but before you do Fred and I have made you a bit of a coming out care package, it has got some stuff you might like as well as a handwritten info packet.’

‘Oh, and don’t forget  _ Muffilito _ ’ Fred enunciated before thrusting a plain square box wrapped in brown parchment into Harry’s arms and running up the staircase, George by his side.

 

Harry slowly walked up the stairs running into Ron and Hermione just around the corner and they headed towards Gryffindor tower, the other two curious about the box but neither willing to bring it up. Harry decided to break the uncomfortable silence ‘Hey Ron, did you know Fred and George see me as their little brother?’

‘Yeah of course they do, my parents see you as their son… all of us see you as family, except Ginny and me of course, you’re my best mate but in a brotherly way I suppose’

‘And Ginny?’

‘Come on, It would be a bit weird if she saw you as a brother seeing as she’s been trying to get a date with you for the last four years’ The three of them stopped dead in their tracks. ‘Shit! I wasn’t meant to say that, look Harry can we pretend you didn’t hear it please, she is my little sister’

Harry turned to Hermione ‘did you know too?’ he said barely above a whisper, trying to breathe his way through it,

‘Yes I knew but I couldn't tell you, it wasn’t my secret to tell and… Oh Harry please don’t be mad at us’

‘I’m not mad, I just wish I could have saved her the trouble is all’

‘Hang on a minute! You mean you’re not even gonna give it a go, don’t you think that’s a bit rich? You get along fine and she’s had a crush on you from the minute she saw you. You don’t think it warrants at least a date or something?’ Ron said annoyance starting to show in his voice.

‘What? So you think I owe her, is that it?’

Hermione glanced over at Harry who looked to be in a state of shock and said ‘I’m sure he doesn’t mean it like that, Harry. Ronald, just leave it alright? This isn’t the time or the place to be talking about it’

‘You’re right ‘Mione, I’m sure Harry will think about it anyway, won’t you mate?’

‘Uhh, yeah of course… I think I might just go to bed though, I’m not really feeling too well at the moment, thanks though’, and with that Harry raced off through the portrait hole, up the stairs and closed the crimson curtains around his bed… after getting changed into his faded Winter pyjamas he put the box the Weasley’s gave him under the bed deciding to open it in the morning.

  
  


He woke up with a start. Ron was shaking him awake saying he was having a nightmare again, of course Harry already knew that, the picture of that long hallway and door still fresh in his mind and his scar stinging uncomfortably.

‘Thanks Ron, sorry to wake you’

‘All Good, I wasn't sleeping actually, Hermione somehow convinced me to go to the library with her, you should see the pile of books she got out on that mind stuff you were saying, she had to use a spell on them just so we could carry them back here’

‘What time is it?’

‘Only half 9, you can’t have been asleep that long, I’m just going to bed now but I think everyone is having an early night what with Hogsmeade tomorrow. And you don’t need to worry about that stuff with Ginny either, Hermione cashed in a favour and I’ve let it go’

‘Oh well thank you, I think I might stay up and read for a bit... Goodnight’

‘Night’

Harry once again closed his curtains and  pulled out his wand and Marauders map from underneath his pillow

‘Lumos’ The pages lit up and Harry could only see about half a dozen people out of their dorms, and two of those were Fred and George down in the kitchens. Harry perused the parchment until he heard the faint snorings in the room become louder he then sat up and got out of the bed, putting on his invisibility cloak he left the dormitory snacking on his last packet of Jelly Slugs.

 

Making his way through hidden passages, along corridors, and up the changing staircases, Harry roamed the castle occasionally stopping to feel the brickwork or to just sit with his back against the wall. He tried not to think about anything but failed so he put all his focus into how the castle looked and felt when he decided he had enough his feet took him up the stone staircase to the astronomy tower.

Closing the door behind him quietly Harry made his way over to the bench and laid down, looking up at the stars he began to think about everything he had held back from dwelling on, no one subject being at the forefront, all just there unwilling to go away.

‘Hello, Mr Potter, out for an evening stroll are we?’

Harry sat up bolt right, his heart thumping he turned around to see the dark-eyed Professor Snape standing right beside the bench. Harry pulled off the invisibility cloak from around his shoulders so the professor could see him properly.

‘Hello Professor, I’m sorry I just… I mean I don't always it’s well tonight and then’

‘Stop babbling Potter you’re not going to lose any house points… and it’s unlikely I need to give you any more detentions, you seem to get enough of them without my help’

‘Right, sorry sir’

‘Have you read anything on Occlumency as of yet?’ Snape sat down on the end of the bench.

‘No’ Harry looked down to the ground as a leaf got swept away by a freezing gust of wind

‘I shouldn’t have thought it, I suppose’

‘Hermione did go to the library to get some books out for me though, I… uhh haven’t got to them though, had a lot on my mind you know?’ There was a long pause before Harry started again ‘Actually professor I was wondering if I might ask you a question?’

‘If you must’

‘Well, you see it’s just that this year we haven’t… you don’t…’

‘Take a breath and think about what you’re going to say. I’ll wait.’

‘Well, you don’t look at me like I’m something you scraped off the bottom of your shoe anymore… I thought it might have something to do with the Order but if it was surely you would treat Ron and Hermione better too… but you are still just as harsh on them when no one else is around.’

‘The question, Potter?’

‘Well, why? Why have you started treating me better, because as much as you might think I enjoy it, I don’t like being treated like some silver spoon  _ golden boy _ ’

‘Quite. I thought this may come up at some point.’ Snape took a deep breath before continuing. ‘You may have noticed some  _ changes _ in the way I’ve been acting toward you as of late. This is because I recently came into some information about your life and realised that is was not strictly necessary for me to belittle you quite as much in private… In the past I’ll admit to being a tad sour in your presence, however now I would like to change that behaviour.’

‘What sort of information?’

‘Information about your home life that was previously kept from me.’

‘Oh… that information.’

‘Indeed.’

There was another long pause before Snape stood up and walked swiftly over to the railing, leaning against it to stare at the starry night sky. Harry soon shuffled forward and copying Professor Snape leaned on the railing to stare straight ahead.

‘Look sir, I would really appreciate it if…’

‘You needn’t worry, I won't be telling anyone… it is surely the very least I owe you.’

‘You don’t owe me anything, you’ve saved my life more times than I even know of.’

‘We’ll call it even then Potter, I didn’t need to behave as I did.’

‘That is true, but sir I don’t want you to start treating me like… well like how Lockhart did.’

‘Believe me, there is no risk of that,’ Snape said with a hint of something more than a smirk on his face. Harry looked to his right only to see those signature black robes billowing through the door into the castle.


	2. Chapter 2

'Oi, Harry! Come on, time to get up,' Ron whispered shaking Harry awake 'Hermione and I are about to go down to the great hall for breakfast before we head down to Hogsmeade' Harry made a small groaning noise before turning his face into his pillow. 'Look, you’re gonna wanna be up soon enough… You’ve got detention with Snape today remember'  
Harry stiffened 'What time is it now?'  
'It’s only 7 O’clock so you have another hour… Hermione said to make sure you have something to eat before you go.'  
'Yeah, of course.'  
'We’ll see you this afternoon.'  
'Wait, where are those books Hermione got?'  
'I chucked them under your bed while you were asleep last night'  
'Right, thanks Ron… and can you thank Hermione for me too? I really appreciate it.'  
'No problem mate, don’t let that greasy git get to you too much alright?' and with that Ron left the dormitory. Harry got up and looked around to make sure there was no one else in the room before pulling the books out from under his bed and laying them in piles on his mattress. While checking there weren’t any more he saw the brown package that the Weasley twins had given him the night before. Unwrapping the paper he smiled seeing the hand-drawn patterns on the box. Opening it he found a bar of chocolate, a variety of products from their Skiving Snackboxes, two magazines featuring very muscular wizards in not a lot of clothing (Harry’s face turned red at the sight) and three pieces of parchment.  
Harry’s heart warmed as he read the first bit of parchment which turned out to be a short letter from Fred telling him how much they both cared for and loved him as if he was his little brother and if he had any woes they were always there to listen. The next was a letter written by George with a similar message but with the addition of personal experiences and advice he would have found helpful. The last piece of parchment was filled with information about safe sex and useful tips including spells and a colour chart of who in Hogwarts it would be safe to come out to (Ron’s name was orange, Hermione’s green along with most of the people listed). As Harry packed away the box and hid it as best he could by spelling it to attach to the underside of his mattress he felt a sense of warmth in his heart and he couldn’t help the broad smile now sitting plainly on his face.

Leaning the pile of books Harry held onto one knee so he had a spare hand with which to use he knocked on the heavy wooden dungeon door that lead to the potions classroom. The door creaked open slowly.  
'You’re Late, Potter.'  
'Sorry Professor, I didn’t expect these books to be so heavy'  
'You think I care if you’re Sorry. Your detention will be extended into this afternoon'  
Harry was shocked, he must only be a minute or two late, Snape was no longer this harsh when alone. Harry put down his large pile of books on the nearest desk and stepped away finally able to take in the sight of the dark damp room. He stopped when he saw a Ravenclaw first year girl sitting at one of the front row desks looking quite clearly terrified.  
'Right, of course Professor'  
'Now that you have finally decided to grace us with your presence Mr Potter would you be so good as to sit down while I explain what you will be doing for me today?' Harry took the nearest seat to him, right at the edge of the room. Snape glared at him. 'Now, Miss Burrows seeing as you think you know more about potions than I do you can take over my job of scrubbing clean the cauldrons laying in that sink...wandless' he pointed with one of his long pale fingers to sink in the front corner of the room. 'Mr. Potter, I believe you are already aware of your punishment however you will need to show me what books no doubt Miss Granger has supplied'  
Moving into the corner furthest away from the first year Snape and Harry each grabbed half the pile, looking through the books Snape created three separate piles on the bench behind them. Banishing the far right pile he left without a word through the door to his office returning moments later with four of his own books and added them to the left pile. 'Alright Potter' he said in a hushed voice so as not to be overheard by the Ravenclaw 'I will open each of these to the most useful chapters and you shall read, this pile over here won’t be very pertinent however they may be in the future so it is best to hold onto them for now' with that Snape shoved _Mind Magic for Beginners_ into Harry’s arms 'Chapter 7' before turning and flipping through the rest to the books still on the bench.  
It was a long time before anyone spoke again, the only noise being the scraping of Cauldrons and the occasional flicking of paper.  
'Alright Miss Burrows, you may leave. Potter, you are to go straight to the great hall for lunch… I expect you back at 12:30 precisely, if you are late again you can expect another detention Monday.' Snape didn’t even look up from his grading 'Now. Get out.'

'Come in Potter' Harry heard before even knocking on the door to the potions classroom, he was barely in the room before he stopped, staring at his potions professor who had taken off his teacher’s robes and was now wearing his same black trousers but now with a Crisp white button-up shirt. 'I’m sorry professor I thought you told me to come in, I should have knocked' Snape rolled his eyes.  
'In my office, I believe it to be a more suitable place to talk' It took a while for Harry to realise that Snape had spoken and a moment longer to register what he had said. Moving into the office with Harry eventually finding his way in Snape closed the door and sat behind his desk. 'Potter, did you have any questions about what you read this morning?'  
Harry didn’t answer still staring at the man in front of him, mouth open. Snape rolled his eyes and with a wave of his wand was back to wearing his teaching robes 'better? Now, did you have any questions about what you have read?'  
'Umm… no sir, I uh no I don’t think so' Harry shook his head but then quickly said 'Oh actually, seeing as we’re going to be practising and you’ll be err in my head a fair bit, I read about putting some memories and stuff aside so you can’t see them… can I maybe do that?'  
'Of course you can but I should say that it would be preferable for you to limit what you put in the pensieve as you should have some motivation to not just let me into your mind'  
'Right, it’s just that there are a fair few things I’m not too keen to share with you… I do trust you sir, but that doesn't mean I’m exactly keen to tell you all my private thoughts'  
'I can understand that you have things you would wish not to share however there does need to be at least a sense of reluctance to let me into your mind and I have found that secrets and embarrassing memories are an adequate way to ensure that.' Harry was no longer looking at Snape and was instead staring at his feet remembering all the things that have happened in his life that the man sitting in front of him would criticize if he ever knew. As if reading his mind Snape started 'I won’t be judging you on anything I see, I will, if you wish pretend as though I have seen nothing should I stumble upon anything… troubling.’  
‘Yeah’ Harry let out almost like a sigh ‘that might be best actually.’ clearing his throat he lifted his head ‘umm so I read that you’ll be looking at it through my eyes and if you’re experienced you’ll be able to tell what my feelings were?’  
‘Yes, I am a master legilimens so I will be able to experience your feelings also’  
‘Alright, I think I should explain some of the stuff you might see but I don’t want to if you’re not going to end up finding it’  
‘I understand, however there is no need for you to explain anything to me Potter, I am a professional and therefore shall act like one.’  
‘Of course, I do have one more question sir if that is okay’  
‘What is it?’  
‘Just now when I walked in, why weren’t you wearing your robes?’  
‘Well I understood that a conversation such as this requires trust between us, especially for you, and I believed that taking off my outer robes would allow you to see a different side to me and perhaps allow you to see my trust in you however I had not expected your reaction to be such as it was.’ Harry’s eyes went wide.  
‘I’m sorry… I didn’t understand that’s what you meant by it. I appreciate the sentiment.’  
‘Unless there is something else you are free to go Potter, I’m sure you have plenty of homework to be getting on with.’  
‘Yes sir, and umm thank you for your help.’ With that Harry got up from his seat and left the office, grabbing a couple of books on his way out. On his way back to the common room he checked his watch and seeing that it was only 1:00 he decided to drop his stuff and head out onto the grounds.

Harry and Ron spent most of Sunday catching up on their homework; they were falling very far behind as Ron had his Quidditch Practice, and Harry was busy Preparing for his DA lessons as well as reading up on Occlumency. Occlumency was actually quite interesting and seemed at the very least less of a waste of time than Divination. In addition to his homework, Harry was writing a list (in a code of course) of memories he didn’t want Snape to know about. The three main categories he’d written down were 1. The abuse from the Dursleys 2. Anything related to sex and sexuality 3. All the things he, Ron and Hermione had done since 1st year that didn’t exactly follow the rules, the most pertinent being Dumbledore’s Army.

Hermione had just joined them under the shade of the tree closest to the Quidditch Pitch carrying balls of wool, with a stack of books and paper levitating behind her.  
‘Hello, I’m glad to see you're both finally putting in some time to do your homework, those calendars I got you aren’t too bad now are they?’ Harry and Ron exchanged a look showing they were both close to rolling their eyes. ‘What have you got left to do?’  
‘Well, I’ve still got Snape’s stupid essay on the uses of unicorn horns and the rest of this week's Dream Journal to fill out… I just finished Binns’ essay.’ Ron replied placing a piece of parchment on the top of a pile and grabbing his Journal.  
‘How about you Harry, do you need a hand with anything?’  
‘Huh?’ Harry looked up from the parchment he was scribbling on to look at Hermione.  
‘What homework do you have left’  
‘Oh, just Snape’s essay I think. Not that I have any idea what you would use a unicorn horn for besides isn’t hurting a unicorn supposed to make you cursed?’  
‘It’s the worst thing a person can do… What’s that you’ve got there?’ Hermione asked grabbing the parchment Harry was writing on.  
‘No Hermione, don’t. It’s private.’  
‘Oh I’m sorry Harry, it looked like Runes… I didn’t read it.’  
‘Thanks’ Harry murmured just as Ron snatched the piece of parchment from Hermione’s grip. ‘Ron! Give it back!’  
‘What is it? Why have you written in some sort of code?’ Ron questioned, standing up so Harry couldn't grab it from him.  
‘I said give it back Ron, I’ll hex you if you don’t.’  
‘Just tell me what it is, you’ve always got something to hide from me these days, what is it?’  
‘None of your business that’s what!’  
Hermione had gotten her wand out and with a simple Wingardium Leviosa had lifted it out of Ron’s hands and it now levitated in front of Harry who promptly grabbed it and shoved it in his front jean pocket.  
‘Well, well, well… what have we got here? The golden trio not feeling so golden.’ came the smooth voice from behind the tree.  
No one had even acknowledged Professor Snape, Ron staring at Harry with a red face contorted with anger, and Harry giving Ron a matching look. Hermione was stood back with her wand out ready to intervene should either of them make a move.  
‘Ten points from Gryffindor, now Miss Granger I demand you tell me what is going on this instant.’  
‘Harry has a piece of paper and he doesn’t wish to share what is written on it, Ron snatched it from me and I just levitated it back into Harry’s possession.’  
‘Potter, grab your things and go to my office immediately. Weasley, you have detention Monday and Tuesday night with Mr Filch. Ten more points from Gryffindor…’ Snape pointed his thin pale finger at Ron. ‘You are to go straight to your common room without a word where I expect you to stay until dinner.’ Snape turned back to look at Harry but only saw his charcoal robes making their way up into the castle.

‘What was that about Ronald?’ Hermione said loudly once they had made their way into the 5th year boy’s dormitory, the only empty place available. Hermione put up silencing charms and locked the door.  
‘Oh come on, he never tells us anything any more. He is constantly upset at us and when he decides he wants to talk it’s always just replying… he never comes to us about anything, you can’t tell me you haven’t noticed it.’  
‘Maybe he doesn’t come to us because you’re likely to pull stunts like that. He doesn’t trust you anymore! Every time he does go to you, you never take him seriously… he’s your best friend, or had you forgotten?’  
‘My best friend? He doesn’t exactly go around acting like it. I want to know why he won’t talk to me, why he dismissed Ginny like that, I want to know what he was holding the other night after Fred and George talked to him, and I want to know what was written on that damned piece of parchment!’ Ron’s voice had risen so loud he began shouting at Hermione.  
‘You promised not to bring up the Ginny thing.’ Hermione replied quietly trying to get Ron to match her volume. ‘He has a right to privacy, I’m sure you’ve got your own things you wouldn’t want to world to know.’  
‘Like what?’ Snapped Ron.  
‘Like how you were practising for the Quidditch team earlier this year, or if you have someone you fancy, or that you have always felt overshadowed having Harry as your friend because he gets the attention you wish was yours.’  
‘I don’t feel overshadowed, he can have all the fame he wants.’ Ron had started to quieten down.  
‘Oh really? Then why is it that as soon as Harry’s name came out of The Goblet of Fire last year you two stopped talking? Why is it that now he is teaching the DA and Ginny and Cho fancy him you’re ready to run for the hills?’  
‘That is completely irrelevant, do you not think he is hiding stuff from us?’  
‘I’m sure he is, but whatever it is he’ll tell you when he’s ready.’  
‘Tell me. Not us. You know what’s going on don’t you?’ Hermione’s eyes went wide.  
‘Now Ronald… umm please don’t fly off the handle. Please just calm down.’  
‘Calm down? You two have obviously been talking behind my back “haha silly Ron can you believe he doesn’t know?” tell me right now what he is hiding.’  
‘Oh Ron it’s not like that, he doesn’t feel safe telling you, you don’t do well with surprises and I’m sorry but I just can’t tell you.’ Tears had started to form around Hermione’s eyes.  
‘That is it! I’m sick of this I’m finding out for myself.’ Ron launched himself at Harry’s bed, opening draws and pulling out books from under the bed.  
‘Stop!’ Hermione Shrieked ‘I’ll hex you if you don’t stop doing that.’ Hermione had run over and was now trying to pull Ron away by the shoulders. There was a knock on the door.  
‘Who is it?’ Ron all but shouted  
‘Harry. Now let me in Ron! I’m not in the mood for games.’ Before Ron could stop her Hermione waved her wand at the door and the door clicked open.

‘Mr Potter! What in Merlin’s name was that about? Tell me exactly what really happened. Now.’  
‘Exactly what Hermione said sir, we were doing homework and Hermione grabbed the parchment I was writing on thinking it was homework and that she would check it over for me. I told her to give it back to me because it was private, she apologised and said she hadn’t read it, but before she could give it back to me Ron had snatched it out of her hand trying to read it.’  
‘And did Mr Weasley read it?’  
‘Well no, I wrote in a way that it wouldn’t make sense to anyone looking at it but me, that is unless they tried hard enough to understand.’  
‘And what pray tell was on the parchment?’  
‘Like I said sir, It’s private.’  
‘I do not care how private it is Potter! Professor Umbridge could have been the one to see that display and then what do you imagine she would’ve done? Asked you politely to hand it over and let it be when you declined? No. You have to be careful Potter! Everyone seems to tell you this but it doesn’t seem to have made its way through that thick skull of yours as of yet. So I’ll ask you again before I rip it from you, what was on that piece of parchment?’  
‘My memories sir.’ Harry paused for a moment and Snape waited silently for him to elaborate. ‘I was trying to work out the memories I most didn’t want to share with you.’ Harry pulled out the scrunched up parchment from his pocket and proceeded to flatten it out with his hands before laying it before him on the Professor’s desk.  
On the parchment were two columns split in three each with only a few letters in them. Snape didn’t look at it for too long before he pointed his wand at it burst into flames… no words were spoken as they both stared at each other. Snape let out a sigh and rubbed his eyes.  
‘Potter, you need to not write down sensitive or private information. Especially with the Ministry sticking their nose in, Umbridge just about runs this place she could have given you Veritaserum and I would have found it very difficult to get you out of that.’  
‘She wouldn’t give a student Veritaserum just because of a bit of parchment surely.’  
‘The ministry is capable of dark things Potter, you’d be better not to take the chance.’  
‘Right.’ Harry looked down, slightly embarrassed that he had been so foolish.  
‘You’re a Gryffindor with your father’s foolhardiness, perhaps you need to start thinking like a Slytherin… be less rash and think ahead. It might also see you in fewer detentions.’ Harry stayed silent at this but looked up when Snape had mentioned Slytherin House. ‘Would you like to tell me what sort of memories you wish to place in the pensieve?’  
‘Of course I don’t want to, but I need to trust you so I will… just give me a second?’  
‘Take your time.’ Harry took a deep breath and looked at the edge of the desk.  
‘Well, there are three main things I suppose, there uhh… there’s my worst memory, my Uncle… I’m sure Professor Dumbledore already told you but it’s another thing to have to watch it and even remember it.’  
‘Understandable Potter, you have my word not to say anything to anyone’  
‘The second seems so insignificant but I don’t really want you knowing about… Merlin, how do I phrase this? I don’t want you to see… uhh well my more… I’m a teenager and…’  
Snape cut him off ‘You don’t want me to see images of you masturbating.’  
‘Well yeah, but also my thoughts during and to do with… that sort of stuff’  
‘I understand. And the final one?’  
‘As I’m sure you’re aware I don’t exactly follow the rules all the time and I tend to get away with it most of the time… as a professor I am reluctant to show you my current bouts of rule-breaking, also as an Order member I’m sure you’d see it as dangerous and would probably tell Dumbledore or worse, Mrs Weasley.’  
Snape, who until that point had been looking directly at Harry, looked up with a look of contemplation on his face, a reprieve from his usual scowl. After a moment or two he lowered his head to look into Harry’s eyes once more. ‘You may place into the pensieve any memories from the Dursley Household that you find emotionally disturbing. As for any rule breaking memories or any of the other sort, I will remain professional. You needn’t worry about my telling Molly Weasley about anything either, at any rate I try and avoid Grimmauld Place at all costs.’  
There was a hint of a smile in Harry’s cheeks at that last comment. ‘That seems fair professor, thank you.’ Snape nodded his head. ‘I better get going, I’m sure Ron has some yelling to do and I’d rather it be over before dinner ends tonight’  
‘Of course, I’ll see you here tomorrow at six. It would do you well to get a good night's sleep also.’  
‘I’ll do my best sir.’ Harry left Snape's office with a mind full of thoughts and worry as he headed up to Gryffindor tower, his heavy backpack resting on his left shoulder.


	3. Chapter 3

Harry climbed the stairs up to his dormitory but found it shut and locked. In the four and a half years he had been at Hogwarts his rooms had never been locked. Now curious he pressed his ear to the door but couldn’t hear anything so he knocked.  
When the door swung open it took a moment to realise what Ron had been doing. Hermione was stood right in the middle of the room, wand pointing at Ron but facing the door where Harry now stood.   
‘I tried to stop him, Harry, really I did.’  
Harry walked straight past Hermione. Putting his schoolbag down beside his bed he grabbed his spare pencil case, sketchpad and invisibility cloak before leaving. No words spoken, just a blank look on Harry’s face.  
As Harry headed down the stairs he put on his invisibility cloak and headed straight for the kitchens, moving against the wall to avoid walking into all the Hufflepuffs heading up to the Great Hall for dinner.  
“Harry Potter Sir! What is it you be doing down here? We is getting all the food ready for the Great Hall now Sir.’  
‘Hi Dobby, you couldn’t get me a pile of sandwiches or something, I'm not eating in the Hall tonight.’  
‘I can do better than that Sir,’ Dobby disappeared from the main kitchens for a minute and Harry looked at all the house elves placing the finishing touches on countless plates of steaming hot food. It all smelled so delicious, Harry’s mouth was already watering. ‘Here you goes Harry Potter, you can be eating here if you is wanting, we has a dining room and all sir,’ Dobby offered as he handed Harry a container of roast beef and vegetables, a bottle of pumpkin juice and a slice of treacle tart all in a bag.  
‘Thanks Dobby but I think I’ll go outside and draw, it’s a bit loud in the castle… too many people.’  
‘Of course sir, If you is needing anything more please ask me Harry Potter, I is loving to help you.’  
‘Always, Dobby, I’ll see you around.’

Harry sat on the floor of the astronomy tower, leaning his back against the wall. He was filling in his outline of Hagrid’s hut when he heard the door swing open. Quickly pulling the invisibility cloak over his drawing and empty food containers he looked up to see Snape.   
‘You’d have to be quicker than that if you didn’t want me to see you, Potter.’ Harry let out a sigh and pulled the hood from his cloak. ‘Why were you not in the Great Hall for dinner?’  
‘Why do you care?’  
‘Do not take that tone with me, I am your professor and you will answer me.’ Snape said with authority but there was no anger in his voice.  
‘I wasn’t hungry.’  
‘The truth… I know you went down to the kitchens.’  
‘I don’t like noise… or being around people sometimes. It makes me feel like I’m in danger.’  
‘Was there any particular reason for that being the case tonight? Something to do with Mr Weasley perhaps?’  
‘Why do you want to know Snape? Surely you don’t care about teenage drama.’  
‘If you must know I have been made to care for you and your well being, not something I am willing to publicize, and more than that I care that you defeat the Dark Lord, and to do that you need to be able to shield your mind which requires a certain amount of control and will power.’  
‘I don’t understand.’  
‘To have control of your mind, you can’t allow yourself to hold on to, as you called it teenage drama’  
‘You care about me?’  
‘Don’t make me repeat it, I am already seething at this self-revelation as it is. May I?’ Snape gestured to the spot next to Harry.  
‘Oh, sure.’ Harry said, scooting along and moving his pencil case. Snape sat down awkwardly crossing his legs and waving his hand at the door to lock it. ‘Why did you do that?’  
‘I don’t much care for students seeing me on the floor much less next to Harry Potter’s head apparently cut off at the neck.’  
‘Oh right, haha,’ Harry took off his invisibility cloak and banished the bag of empty food containers. To take his mind of how awkward it was sitting on the floor with his snarky potions professor he continued to fill in his sketch.  
‘As loathe as I am to say this, I feel it necessary for me to listen to your teenage dramas. I am sure to see what has sourced this sudden isolation tomorrow, however, it would be most beneficial for you to rid it from your mind before then so we can speed up your learning.’  
‘So you want me to talk about stuff, like a psychologist’  
‘Precisely’  
‘You know what a psychologist is… you were raised by muggles?’  
Snape let out a sigh ‘Around muggles. This is not about me. I will be honest with you but that does not excuse you to ask whatever questions you like of me for I am and will remain to be a very private person.’  
‘I’m gay.’ Harry was at this point hugging his knees and staring at the stars that littered the page in front of him. ‘And I miss cooking and riding my broom. It sucks that I can’t play Quidditch but I just wish I could ride my firebolt again. Ron broke my trust and now I’m worried I won't be able to go to the Burrow. I’ll be stuck at the Dursleys and…’ Harry threw up all over his lap.  
‘Tergeo’ Snape muttered, not even retrieving his wand from his robes. Standing up he gestured for Harry to follow him. ‘Lean on the railing and breathe, Drink this.’ Snape handed him a vile with a yellow and blue potion. ‘You won’t be going back to Privet Drive, that is something I can promise… There is the Burrow, Grimmauld place, I’m sure Hermione would be willing to let you stay with her, and if all that fails I’m sure you could stay here or with me. Of course, your Godfather would I’m sure prefer you to stay with him at Headquarters.’ Harry was breathing deeply now trying to calm himself down. ‘Although it is not my place to tell you whom, there are many wizards you know who prefer the company or men. I hope you take comfort in that knowledge at least.’ Harry coughed and nodded.  
‘I hate everyone knowing who I am. I wish I could just fly away most days, go to some little town and change how I look so no one would recognise me. I’ve enough galleons to buy myself a little cottage and live like a muggle until I turn 17.’  
‘I know that feeling… I can assure you that running away doesn’t make things better. All the problems you leave just get worse the longer you’re away.’  
‘I could just never go back’  
‘How very Slytherin of you, but you are a Gryffindor Potter.’  
‘Am I?’  
‘What are you implying?’  
‘The Sorting hat wanted to put me in Slytherin, I can speak to snakes, I have green eyes, and that dream with Mr Weasley, I was the snake.’  
‘Your mother’s eyes.’ Snape whispered. ‘Have you ever thought it possible that you have the Dark Lord to blame for these characteristics… you have an uncanny relationship with him.’  
‘I don’t particularly like being compared with Voldemort you know, he did kill my parents.’  
‘Of course, all I mean to say is that that could be the reason for your speaking Parseltongue and taking on the role of Nagini in the vision. Also, there isn’t anything wrong with being in Slytherin.’  
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply… I just have a lot of bad experience with Slytherins.’  
‘How did the youngest Mr Weasley betray your trust?’ Asked Snape obviously trying to change the subject.  
‘Well, when I left your office earlier like I said I was going to apologise and try and sort everything out before dinner, but when I got to our dorm, Hermione let me in and he was going through my stuff… There were drawers open and he was grabbing books from under my bed when I left. I don’t blame Hermione at all, she said she tried to stop him.’  
‘You keep books under your bed?’  
‘Well I don’t exactly have a bookshelf do I?’  
‘I didn’t believe you would have so many books as to not fit on your nightstand.’  
‘I do read Snape, I just tend not to get much time for it what with all this defeating dark wizards every year and do you have any idea the amount of homework I have? Plus with these new Occlumency lessons starting tomorrow… I don't think I’ve been able to pick up a non-school related book since term started.’  
‘You don’t show it like Miss Granger.’  
‘Show what? That I know things? I think being able to get to the end of that maze last year proved I’m not as thick as you think.’  
‘I suppose.’  
‘I know you don’t like her much, but Hermione really is very sweet, she cares about me no matter what. And considering how I’ve been treating her and everyone else lately is quite a credit to her.’  
‘What is going to happen with Weasley?’  
‘I don’t know, he’ll know by now that I’m… you know, and I don’t know what he thinks about that sort of stuff, Fred and George said he’s not too good with surprises. But Hermione is there to talk to him I suppose.’ There was a pause. ‘I should go, everyone else should be sleeping by now and I have classes tomorrow.’  
‘About that, I won’t be treating you differently in class. I will be unfairly harsh on you and your Gryffindors as I have to be.’  
‘Why? It seems you’re not actually as cruel as you like people to think.’  
‘It is part of my role, and I wish you not to ask me further about it… also, I would prefer if you weren’t to talk about me with your little friends, I do have a reputation to uphold.’  
‘Sure thing sir, and about what I said tonight…’  
‘Strictly between the two of us Potter, now get some sleep.’


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning Ron woke Harry up, opening his eyes Harry thought it could only be around four or five in the morning.  
‘Harry’ Ron whispered shaking his shoulder.  
‘Wha… Ron? What are you doing?’  
‘I thought you might want to talk before everyone else woke up.’  
‘Why would I want to do that?’  
‘It’s alright, I’m not mad… I’m okay with the whole gay thing.’  
‘Right. Okay. Go back to bed.’  
‘But we’re good yeah?’  
‘Good? Ron, you betrayed my trust. You invaded my privacy, you seriously think after that I’m just going to be okay? That after that I’m going to be able to trust you?’  
‘Yeah, Hermione said that. Well, I’ll wait, do my best to make it up to you and all.’  
‘Alright, can you let me sleep though, I’ve got my first lesson tonight and I imagine I’ll be up late.’  
‘Sure thing mate.’

‘Come in Mr Potter,’ Snape opened the door to his office, having waited three minutes for Harry to knock, ‘there are sandwiches on the desk.’  
‘Err, thanks.’ Harry walked past Snape and stood awkwardly beside the desk unsure whether to sit down or not.  
‘I’ve made you uncomfortable.’  
‘No, I just don’t think I’ve been in here when not in trouble for something.’  
‘Of course, my plans for tonight's lesson were to ask you some questions to ensure you understand that what we will be doing is going to be mentally and emotionally exhausting and to get your full consent before moving to my labs which I have cleared but for two seats. Is that acceptable?’  
‘Sounds good to me,’ Harry said, a touch of nervousness in his voice.  
‘Please take a seat, I wasn’t sure if you would be hungry so I had Dobby bring these… I believe the elf to be somewhat obsessed with you, he has indeed shaped the sandwiches.’ Snape held up one of the sandwiches which had been cut into the shape of the scar on Harry’s forehead. ‘I was informed that the H’s are ham and cheese, the P’s are Chicken salad, and the Lightning bolts are bacon, lettuce and tomato.’ Harry’s face turned a light shade of red as he sat down and picked up a sandwich in the shape of the letter P.  
‘Thank you, sir.’  
‘So Potter, can you please explain to me what you believe I will be doing tonight?’  
‘Umm, well I think… I believe the process...’  
‘This isn’t a test, I won't be upset if you’re wrong. I just need to know if you fully understand what will be happening and the easiest way for me to grasp your understanding is for you to explain it to me… take your time.’   
‘Okay well, I have to try and clear my mind of all emotion, we have to make eye contact and then you are going to cast Legilimens and then I will most likely see the… err I suppose scenes and memories that you are looking at in my head. I have to push you out in a sense I sort of imagine it like how I did the imperious curse.’  
‘More or less that is correct, it is important to note that you may also feel strong waves of emotions connected to your memories… I will do my best not to look at anything too private but sometimes it can be difficult to know exactly what I’m about to see. It is best to be in a comfortable area which is why we won’t be in the classroom or here. And Potter it may be difficult at first but it is truly important that you don’t pause to try and watch your memories as the longer you let me in, the more personal they tend to become.’  
‘And about… the umm…’  
‘The pensive is down in my lab, I have placed my private memories in glass jars, I should ask you not to look at them and I will have the same courtesy for yours. I trust you know how to…’  
‘Yes,’ Harry cut him off, ‘sorry, yes, Dumbledore showed me last year after the maze.’  
‘Of course, take another sandwich and we shall go, unless you have any more questions?’  
‘No, I’ll… I’m good.’ Snape stood up swiftly before gesturing to the plate and holding the door open for Harry. Harry’s face turned scarlet as he realised where he had just walked into. The room held two black armchairs, a crackling fire, walls of books and a small table just large enough to hold a tea tray, … walking in he turned to see a large spotless kitchen and two doors. The whole place was decorated with greens, blacks and silvers, the only other colour coming from the countless books on display, and glow of the fire. Snape lead an awed Harry through the first door which took both of them up a short staircase and into a large room, looking nearly empty but for two comfortable looking chairs. There was a wall filled with vials, two walls stacked with different sized cauldrons and ingredients, and the last wall had papers and notes stacked upon each other with the occasional picture poking out.  
‘You have a beautiful kitchen,’ Harry blurted unable to stand the silence any longer, mentally berating himself for not staying silent. Snape nodded.  
‘I’ll leave you be to deposit your memories.’ Snape gestured to the pensive and took the seat facing the other direction, towards the door. When Harry sat down, his eyes were slightly puffed and his breathing heavy. ‘Are you alright Potter?’  
‘Yeah, just remembering all that stuff, I feel lighter now that it’s gone though.’  
‘Are you ready to begin? Or shall I give you a moment?’  
‘I think I’m ready.’  
‘Very well… Legilimens.’

Everything went blank before Harry saw himself at age 10 talking to a snake at the zoo on Dudley’s birthday… his first day at his new primary school wearing old clothes, feeling intense shame and embarrassment… casting his Patronus at the lake two years ago… helping Molly cook for the Weasleys at the Burrow. All of a sudden fear flooded his emotions before he saw his Uncle Vernon towering above him a closed fist moving in slow motion towards Harry’s head.  
‘No! I don’t want you to see that!’  
‘Then fight it, Potter, you’re letting me in… fight it.’  
More images came into Harry’s mind- Sirius smiling at Harry in the mirror as he was teaching him to shave… A few days earlier, Ron telling Harry that Ginny likes him… A piercing scream and total darkness. Harry then felt a pull in his mind and he began to feel a pain in his hands and knees.  
‘Did you mean to produce a stinging hex?’ Snape was standing behind his chair. Left hand rubbing his right wrist.  
‘No. Did you see what I saw?’ Harry asked. His wand was in his hand and he was wondering when he had fallen to the floor.  
‘Yes. I heard Lily, how did you…?’ Snape didn’t finish his question.  
‘Dementors, I hear her every time there are dementors near me… I didn’t realise it was her for a while. I can hear him laughing sometimes too.’ Snape has moved to the pensive and was pulling out another memory.  
‘You called her Lily, did you know her?’  
‘Yes,’ Snape whispered. ‘I will return shortly.’ Snape walked down the stairs as though injured, leaving Harry to catch his breath. It was only thirty seconds before Harry heard footsteps coming from the stairs. ‘We shall try that again but I would like you to remove the memory of your mother, I hadn’t expected you to have any memory of that night.’  
‘How did you know her?’ Harry asked as he walked over to the Pensive.  
‘I wish not to talk about it if you don’t mind Potter.’ Snape was staring at the empty seat in front of him. ‘I think this time we should stand, wands out. You are to stop me entering your mind and you are free to use whatever spells you see fit. I won’t warn you when I am to attempt to break in. Last time you had a moment where I could feel the strong push for me to leave but the rest of the time you were allowing me to see, you need to not be so distracted in watching your memories.’  
‘Right sir, umm at the end, did you leave or…?’  
‘I left. Shall we begin?’  
‘Ready when you are, Professor.’  
‘Legilimens’ Snape was too fast and images were flashing in front of Harry before he had time to act. Ron teaching him to use a quill in the Gryffindor common room… Mrs Figg showing him photos of her cats… Sirius telling Harry that his drawings were amazing.  
‘Out, Out, Get Out!’  
‘You have to feel it, Potter, not just say it...you have to need me not to see.’  
Fred and George were saving him from the Dursleys in the summer of his second year… playing muggle board games with Hermione and Ron. Once again Harry snapped out of it noticing he was once again on his hands and knees.  
‘Alright Potter, I’m going to have to go deeper, more personal. You have to need me not to see them and that doesn’t seem to be able to happen with surface memories.’  
‘You can choose what you see?’  
‘No, but there are some things that are just there, and other moments just out of reach, those are the ones you subconsciously wish to hide for whatever reason… the first time I happened upon one.’  
‘My Uncle, you mean?’  
‘Indeed. Still feel free to defend yourself via attack if you need, you may find it useful.’  
‘Alright, I just… well I have a few memories of my parents if last time you wanted me to get rid of them.’  
‘It’s not worth the risk of you losing them Potter, you needn’t worry about my comfort.’  
‘Alright, I didn’t think about losing them I guess. Ready when you are Professor.’  
‘Legilimens’  
Neville was pocketing the sweet wrapper his mum had given him…Harry coming out to Hermione through tears... Harry was cooking for the Dursleys humming along to the tune of the radio… Harry was looking at the pairs of people in the room of requirement all practising their disarming charms…darkness appeared as he heard the words ‘You’d do well in Slytherin’... Cho was leaning into him under the mistletoe… Snape was standing in front of him, protecting Harry, Ron and Hermione from the werewolf… Harry is staring at the half-naked men in the magazine Fred and George had given him, clearly aroused by the tall lanky wizard riding a broom.  
Once again Harry was on the floor panting, his scar was now stinging uncomfortably.  
‘You managed to get me out that time… you took too long though. I think we will leave it there for tonight, it would be advisable to clear your mind before going to sleep tonight.’ Harry’s face was red and he was not raising his head to look at Snape. ‘Do you mind my asking about your classmates? That wasn’t Umbridge's classroom.’  
‘It’s one of the ones I didn’t want you to see, you won't like it, sir.’ Harry said, slightly relieved that was the one Snape wanted clarification on.  
‘I don’t ask questions I do not wish to know the answer to.’  
‘Well, I’m teaching some people Defence Against the Dark Arts, not everyone just a few people… we’re not learning anything with Umbridge.’  
‘Is this some sort of joke Potter? After everything we have all told you about being careful with the Ministry you have a secret club?’ Snape spoke with a forced calmness in his voice.  
‘You promised you wouldn’t tell anyone, we aren’t as dumb as I imagine you’d think us to be about it.’ Snape took a deep breath and closed his eyes.   
‘You are free to leave, I won’t say anything to Dumbledore about this but we will be having words about this. You may leave your memories in the Pensive or collect them it is up to you.’  
‘I’ll leave them there, thank you, sir.’ Harry rushed down the stairs but found that when he opened the door, it led right into Snape’s office. Harry decided not to think too much of it and rushed out and up the stairs leading away from the dungeons, not wishing to look back, too exhausted to explain himself to Snape or anyone else.


	5. Chapter 5

‘I don’t want to talk about it.’ Hermione was sitting in front of the dimly lit fire in the otherwise empty Gryffindor Common Room. Closing her book and laying it beside her she gestured to Harry to sit in the opposite chair. Harry laid down on the ground in front of the fire and let out a sigh, ‘he knows about the DA. He said he won’t tell Dumbledore and I trust him, also he said he wouldn’t say anything to Mrs. Weasley either.’  
‘How do you feel?’  
‘Exhausted mostly, my scar hurts but my head feels lighter… I got to put some of my memories in the Pensieve and it’s amazing like I don’t have to worry about that stuff anymore. Amazing, but kinda weird.’  
‘What did he say to you about the DA?’ Harry closed his eyes and sighed.  
‘He was really angry Hermione, like worse than I’ve ever seen. He didn’t yell or even raise his voice, he just sort of breathed.’  
‘That doesn’t sound like anger to me.’  
‘Maybe not but he was definitely upset, worse than angry… it sounds crazy but its like I could feel it, I’m not exactly sure what it was but I think I’d have preferred shouting. He said “we’ll be having words” whatever that means.’  
‘You could feel it, his emotions?’  
‘Yeah, It was really weird, oh. Oh, it felt like betrayal.’  
‘Betrayal?’  
‘Yeah, but not like it was with Ron, not a betrayal of trust but something deeper, more important to him.’  
‘Wow Harry, I’ve read about wizards experiencing others emotions, there’s a number of ways it can happen but only by very powerful Wizards. I wouldn’t go sharing that with anyone just now if I were you. But that is incredible!’  
‘I think I’ll go to bed, thanks for waiting up for me… do you know how Ron is going?’  
‘I think he is mostly just kicking himself for treating you like that, he keeps asking me for ways to make it up to you but I just keep telling him time is really the only thing, that and his actions. He really is sorry, and I think he’s making way with his feelings about, you know.’  
‘Yeah, has he said anything about George?’  
‘I don’t think he’s talked to him since… since he found out.’  
‘Oh, right… goodnight.’  
‘Goodnight Harry.’ Hermione stayed in the common room for a few minutes longer before sighing and leaving up the stairs to her bed.

‘Mr Potter.’ Snape said with authority in his voice. ‘If you are going to use your father’s wretched cloak to sneak around the school past curfew you really might want to try actually staying underneath it. It does tend to void the illusion when you can see a sketchpad simply floating in the air.’ Harry said nothing but stood up and removed his cloak. ‘Why are you always so keen to break the rules, or do you leave your dormitory with the express purpose to lose House Points? If that is the case I really must congratulate you, ten points from Gryffindor.’  
‘But, sir.’  
‘But nothing Potter, you have gotten on my nerves, you were absolutely dismal in potions today, if Granger wasn’t there to save you I doubt you’d have made it through your first year.’  
‘Sorry sir, but it is sort of difficult to focus on a potion when you’ve stayed up the previous night having someone poke through all your thoughts.’  
‘Watch it Potter, we may have found more of an even footing lately but I doubt you should test me.’  
‘Right, sorry.’ There was a long pause, the silence making Harry uncomfortable. ‘The weather is getting warmer, I didn’t even need my scarf tonight.’  
‘Just because there is silence it doesn’t mean you need to fill it.’  
‘Sorry.’  
‘It was a statement, not a criticism. You needn’t apologize so much either.’   
‘Right.’ Harry gestured to the wooden bench, an enquiring look on his face. They both sat down to stare at the night sky, Harry’s sketchpad and pencil case laying between them. ‘About those words you said we’d be having?’  
Snape waved his wand and wordlessly cast some spells around them. ‘Tell me about your club, why I shouldn’t tell Dumbledore and what in the world possessed you to do something so dangerous?’  
‘It’s sort of a lengthy story, wouldn’t it be easier if I showed you?’  
‘I’m not rooting around in your mind any more than I need to to help you learn Occlumency, you deserve at the very least some privacy.’  
‘I just… I don’t really feel much like talking today.’  
‘Are you really so keen for me to see more of your thoughts, memories, and fantasies?’  
‘No!’ Harry blushed at the mention of fantasies, ‘fine we’ll have it your way.’ Harry took a deep breath organizing his thoughts before he began. ‘Well Umbridge isn’t teaching us anything, she won’t even let us use your wands in class and the only thing we get to read about is basic counterspells and how to avoid dangerous situations as if that’s going to be any help… So one day after talking to Sirius, Hermione and Ron basically accosted me and said that the main problem with a secret defence class would be that there wouldn’t be anyone to teach.’  
‘So naturally, you volunteered.’ Snape interrupted.  
‘No, as it happens I didn’t. I never wanted to do the blasted thing, of course, it would be great to actually learn to defend ourselves especially with what happened last year but… I wasn’t sure if the benefits would outweigh the risks. But Ron and Hermione were persistent in telling me I was their only real shot and said a bunch of stuff that they think makes me good at defence when they don’t realize how much I’ve relied on luck and other people saving my skin, you most of the time actually.’  
‘It’s not my fault that where I see a three-headed dog you see an invitation.’  
‘I didn’t mean it as a bad thing, I’m very grateful… I just, I don’t think they realise how much of my “misadventures”,’ said Harry simultaneously rolling his eyes and putting up air quotes, ‘are actually due to you saving me, others giving me inside information and really just bucketloads of luck.’  
‘And surely blind Gryffindor courage.’  
‘That too I suppose, well anyway they somehow convinced me. They went around the school for a week spreading the word only to those we knew we could trust and were as keen as us to learn Defence, so a couple weeks later on the Hogsmeade weekend the three of us went to the Hog’s Head. I didn’t really expect people to show up, everyone still thinks I’m nutters after… well after last year, but after a few minutes people started turning up and I think in total there is about thirty of us. We practice spells, and talk about theories whenever it is actually safe to meet up which ends up only being once every couple of weeks.’  
‘You’re running a miniature army under Umbridge’s nose. Where do you meet?’  
‘I’m not sure if I should tell you, you see it is rather a secret and I trust you, obviously this shows I do but, that can only go so far you know?’  
‘Very well, and so I take it that when you are planning a meeting Miss Granger and Mr Weasley just run around looking for all the participants in your little club?’  
‘It’s not my little club, I hardly wanted to do it. And no, we have an undercover way of communication that is really quite ingenious, Hermione came up with it of course. But I will say that the only way anyone will find out about us is if one of the members blabs, and for anyone to do that they’d be signing their own death warrant.’  
‘And what exactly would you do Mr Potter if the Dark Lord saw into your mind and decided to tell the Ministry? What would you do if I were to tell the Ministry?’  
‘You wouldn’t.’  
‘Wouldn’t I?’  
‘No. You know he’s back and you know the only shot we have of beating him is if those that are on our side are ready and willing to fight. We may not be the best, but I know that everyone who attends our meetings will be passing their OWLs, I’d even wager that everyone would get an E or higher.’  
‘You really are quite the teacher aren’t you Potter?’  
‘As shit everything in my life is right now, I know that things are only going to get worse and if we’re going to stand a chance, we need supporters and not just Order members, I’m not an Order member and I’ve been up against Voldemort more times than most of the Order.’  
‘Please don’t say his name.’  
‘Right, Sorry.’ Harry leaned back and closed his eyes, determined not to fill the silence.  
‘I won’t be telling anyone of this. I also won’t be helping you if you are to be found out. I am not pleased about this but there is nothing I can do. I have one more question however, why were you so keen to show me your memories instead of simply recounting the details?’  
‘Thank you sir, and well I guess... Umm, I suppose I thought well…’  
‘Stop, take a breath and think about your answer before you say it, I don’t mind waiting.’ Harry did so, it was several minutes before he opened his mouth.  
‘I thought it would be better to show you the DA because then you might see how much progress everyone has made and you would be able to see the number of precautions in place to prevent outside knowledge. Also… I thought if you were to experience how I felt teaching them you might think higher of me, I know it sounds stupid.’  
‘What you said is understandable. You are to be in my office by 6 O’clock on Thursday, If you are to be behaving so foolishly even with knowledge that the Dark Lord may realize his connection to you and intrude on your thoughts we must take a more urgent stance on your learning to occlude him.’  
‘Alright.’  
‘I will give you detention during your class on Thursday,’ Snape stood up and face Harry, still seated on the bench. ‘Your drawings are not bad, Potter.’  
‘Thank you.’ Potter managed to call to the closing door after a moment of shock. 

 

‘Hey, Harry!’ Hermione called out in the Common room early Thursday Morning running downstairs and almost slamming into Ron.  
‘Hermione, what’s wrong? Are you alright?’ Ron asked grabbing her arms and lifting her off him.  
‘Of course I’m fine, just a bit excited is all. Harry…’ She let out a sigh. ‘You know my cousin, Natalie? Well she finally had her baby, It’s a little boy and you’ll never guess but they called him Harry! Can you believe it? I can’t wait to see if he becomes a wizard, I know it’s really rare but it would be so cool to have someone to teach about all this stuff I’ve learned,’  
‘You mean other than us’ Ron interjected while Hermione took a deep breath.  
‘Oh, I just can’t wait to meet him. I’ll have to send some pictures and toys, maybe even some tiny little baby clothes and…’ Hermione suddenly stopped talking and stared at Harry. ‘Are you alright Harry?’  
‘Yeah, why do you ask? It’s great news Hermione, you’ll have to show us some pictures when you get them.’  
‘You just, you hadn’t said anything and you don’t look well. Are you sure you’re okay?’  
‘Just a bit homesick maybe, I’ll be better soon for sure. Breakfast?’ They started making their way out of Gryffindor Tower and towards the Great Hall.  
Ron turned his head to look at Harry. ‘Homesick? I thought you hated the Dursley’s mate, I know I sure as hell wouldn’t be homesick if I lived with that lot of...’   
‘Ronald!’ Hermione scolded. ‘That’s obviously not what he means.’ Hermione turned to Harry. ‘Sorry, I won’t go on about it, I didn’t think.’  
‘No. I want you to talk about it, it’s really good news Hermione, I’ll be better about it soon. I’ve just had a tough few weeks, what with Snape going through my memories a lot you know?’  
‘You know, I was actually thinking about you last night.’  
‘Really?’ Ron cut in.  
‘Not like that! Really you need to get your head out of the gutter.’   
‘What in Merlin's name is a gutter?’  
‘It’s… umm.’  
‘It’s like tubing on a rooftop that collects rainwater, and sometimes leaves and dirt and gross stuff gets in there so you have to clean it out every now and again.’ Said Harry helpfully. ‘What were you thinking ‘Mione?’  
‘Well about the whole Snape situation…’  
‘Which part exactly?’  
‘The part where he knows about… teaching. I figured out a way to make sure he doesn’t tell anyone. It’s not exactly against the law, but it is definitely against the rules so really it’s a last resort type of plan.’  
‘As sure as I am that you thought it out in the finest detail, I doubt we’ll be needing it. Snape said he wouldn’t tell anyone, and I believe him.’  
‘Wait, What? I’m so confused.’ Ron said, taking a seat opposite Fred and George.  
‘We’ll talk about it later Ron, this isn’t the place.’ Hermione said in a hushed voice.   
‘Come, come, Hermione. What would the world be without Ron being confused about something.’ George said, not giving any of his attention to his younger brother sitting opposite him.  
‘Hey, that’s not nice.’ Ron said between mouthfuls of porridge.  
‘Oh talking to us now are you? I think that’s five days. What a time we’ve had, you’ve missed so much.’ Said Fred looking at his watch, a tinge of frustration in his voice.  
‘You weren’t talking to each other?’ Harry joined in rather quietly. ‘Why not?’  
‘Why do you think Harry? Maybe our little brother decided that what we gave to you in that box you hid so well wasn’t to his taste.’  
‘Ron? I thought… you said. I have to go, I’m sorry Fred and George. I gotta go.’ Harry stepped back from the table hoisted his backpack over his shoulder and walked out of the Great Hall.


	6. Chapter 6

‘You’re early, Potter.’ Snape stated, not looking up from the pile of papers stacked on his desk.  
‘Sorry, why aren’t you at breakfast?’  
‘My eating habits are none of your concern. Why are you here?’  
‘I had to leave the Great Hall and potions is my first lesson.’  
‘Care to elaborate?’  
‘Maybe this afternoon it’s not really anything I want to go on about.’  
‘And yet you’re here. No one ever comes early to my classes and I suggest you don’t make a habit of it.’  
‘Right, sorry. I didn’t think. I bet you reckon that’s getting to be a habit of mine.’  
‘You may take a seat and read quietly.’ Snape took out his wand and with a slight flick summoned a book. ‘I believe this is a subject that holds interest to you.’ The book flew into the arms of Harry, making him stumble.  
‘Wow, Thank you, sir.’ Gasped Harry, looking at the cover of the book that read: Cauldron Cooking Without the Aid of Elves: A beginner’s guide.  
‘Just read it, Potter.’ Harry felt a sense of contentment as he opened to the first chapter, titled Prepping ingredients: Wand or Wandless?  
Twenty minutes had passed with only the sound of quill scratching and page-turning before Snape stood up.  
‘Take a seat at your usual bench. You may take that book with you if you like though I expect it returned to me by the end of the term.’  
‘Right, Thank you, sir.’ Snape walked past him and opened the dungeon door to his fifth year Gryffindor/ Slytherin class. Everyone was silent as they took their seats, many giving Harry a questioning gaze.   
‘20 points from Gryffindor, Potter.’  
‘What? I haven’t even done anything!’ Harry said showing outrage on his face.  
‘Precisely, can you not see that everyone around you has their books out, or do you need Miss Granger to fix those hideous glasses of yours?’ Harry made an attempt at a glare before reaching down to get his books out of his bag. ‘And while I have your attention, you have detention this evening.   
‘Why?’ Harry said raising his voice to convey outrage that wasn’t really there.  
‘You obviously have so little going on in your life that you see it as entertaining to come annoy me about your lack of knowledge on Unicorn Horns. You wasted my time, and so shall I. Although seeing as you have nothing better to do you may actually enjoy that.’ Snape raised his hand to his chin and looked questioningly into the distance. ‘Ten more points from Gryffindor and another detention on Friday.’  
A chuckle arose from the Slytherin side of the room.  
Class went on as usual, the students double checked they had the potion method copied down correctly before collecting ingredients. Harry was working with Hermione and Ron was Forced to pair with Neville.   
‘Harry, I know you had every right to leave breakfast this morning, Ron not talking to his brothers is really not good, but I do think you two should talk. He wants to do the right thing, he wants you to trust him again. And that’s only going to happen if you two start talking openly to each other.’  
‘Look, I tried. Five days and I haven’t even raised my voice at him, and that hasn’t exactly been easy. He tests me.’  
‘You haven’t tried, you haven’t talked to him, you respond to him. You and he need to find some common ground, we have no chance against… you know, if we don’t trust each other.’  
‘Have you tried telling him that? He went through my stuff. And he says he’s fine with… with me, but he didn’t talk to Fred or George for five days Hermione! I’d understand if they never want to talk to me again after that, they probably hate me now.’  
‘They don’t hate you, you said earl…’ Harry grabbed Hermione’s arm tightly and pulled her down to the ground with him as quick as he could.  
‘EVANESCO!’ Snape shouted across the room, pointing his wand at the cauldron between Crabbe and Goyle.  
‘Harry...’ Hermione whispered before Harry shushed her.  
Snape waved his wand around the class in front of him and mumbled something under his breath, all the cauldrons seemed to simply stop, the flames beneath each cauldron were alight yet there was no movement or flicker of light. ‘Crabbe, Goyle, Potter and Granger you will stay here. The rest of you are dismissed.’ Snape said dangerously. The rest of the class had left before Harry and Hermione were standing.  
Turning on Crabbe and Goyle, Snape snapped ‘How dare you two make such a fool of me in my own classroom! Pixie dust in a simple strengthening solution, what were you thinking? Oh, that’s right you weren’t, its as if the two of you have less brains than when you’re by yourselves! You both have detention with Mr Filch for the next month.’ Both Slytherins stared dumbfounded at their professor, and Snape rubbed his eyes and sighed.  
‘If I weren’t here, and wasn’t paying enough attention you both would have been killed by the explosion only milliseconds away from happening. The rest of the class would have been in the hospital wing for the rest of the year, I can’t not give you detention. You both need to pay more attention, sloppiness isn’t a valued virtue. You may leave now.’ The two boys turned and staggered toward the exit, and Snape rolled his eyes.  
‘Now you pair,’ he said spinning on his heel. ‘What on earth was that?’  
‘What was what, Professor?’ Hermione braved, her voice even and full of false determination.  
You are playing with me Granger, You two were on the ground well before anyone had reason to suspect something was amiss. What happened?  
‘Umm, do you mind if I talk to Hermione in private, sir? It’ll only take a minute.’ Harry stepped forward.  
‘So you two can corroborate your stories, I think not.’  
‘You’re paranoid, Snape.’  
‘With good reason.’  
‘Fine. Hermione tell him exactly what happened to you.’ Harry was not looking away from Snape, his eyes full fire.  
‘Oh, are you sure Harry?’  
‘Absolutely.’  
‘Alright, well. We were talking about Ron mostly and what happened this morning, when all of a sudden you grabbed my arm and pulled me down to the floor, err you, sir, then shouted evanesco and told everyone to leave.’  
‘You may leave now Miss Granger, you will tell no one of the events you just described; that includes Mr Weasley.’  
‘Of course, Professor.’ she gave one final look to make sure Harry would be alright before making her way calmly to the door.  
Harry all of a sudden lost his nerve and turned to the door that had just shut. ‘I actually have Defense next and I really don’t think Umbridge will be too happy if I’m late so I think it best if I go.’  
‘You will be going nowhere until you explain to me exactly what happened and I am satisfied that you aren’t lying to me.’  
‘I really don’t think I should be late to my next class, I’m already on thin ice.’ Harry took a step toward the door, and Snape waved his wand and they both heard the slide of a lock.  
‘Now.’  
‘Look, it’s really not… like you know. Okay so back in my second year, the whole duelling club thing with Lockheart? Do you remember that?’  
‘Of course, I do.’  
‘Well I spoke to that snake and everyone thought I was the heir of Slytherin, you see I didn’t know talking to snakes was something bad, I just thought loads of people could do it because it's magic.’  
‘I’m trying patience Potter, but you really must get to the point.’  
‘Well, I don’t know if what happened is meant to happen or if it’s like the Parselmouth thing.’  
‘If you’d be so kind as to tell me, I’ll let you know.’ Harry sighed and sat down in a nearby chair, crossing his arms he mumbles something Snape couldn’t understand. ‘You’ll need to speak up.’  
Harry covered his face and spoke louder. ‘Sometimes I can feel what other people feel.’  
‘Excuse me?’  
‘Not all the time, quite rarely actually, I think. But like I don’t know, It’s hard to explain.’  
‘Try.’  
‘Well like today, I felt an intense fear just for a few seconds, so I ducked out of the way, I don’t know how, it could be completely unrelated to you but like half a second later you emptied that cauldron, and the fear was gone.’ Snape was sitting down now.  
‘I take it this isn’t the first time this has happened.’  
‘No, sir.’ There was silence as they both stared at the ground in front of them. ‘The other night, when you found out about you know, you didn’t show that you were mad, but I could tell how angry you were.’  
‘I’ll do some research, though it sounds as if…’ Snape trailed off and looked at the door. ‘Quickly Potter, decant the potion you were working on.’  
‘What? Why?’ questioned Harry, looking around the room.  
‘Don’t question me, just do it.’ He whispered gliding to sit behind his desk. Harry moved over to where he had been working earlier when he heard the door creak open.  
‘Hem, hem.’   
‘Professor Umbridge, what can I do for you?’  
‘Mr. Potter here is not in my classroom, and I came to find out why.’  
‘Of course, I have had to keep him as before class he asked me a question, I thought it best to answer him before he goes so far down the wrong track as to brew a potion blowing up the school, not as much of an unlikely event as you’d think. Potter here is abysmal at potions.’  
‘Is that so? You are aware of my latest decree are you not Professor Snape?’  
‘Which would that be?’  
‘Decree 26 that states teachers are banned from giving students any information that is not strictly related to the subjects they are paid to teach.’  
‘Of course, you are surely intelligent enough to know that to talk to Potter is like talking to a brick wall, boring and pointless. He will be finished here in a moment, I’ll send him straight to you.’  
‘See that you do, Professor Snape.’ Umbridge turned around and left the room. After hearing the tapping of heels on cobblestone fade Harry turned toward his Professor.  
‘Do you actually think I’m boring to talk to?’  
‘That was too close, you shouldn't go to the astronomy tower any longer, invisibility cloak or not, it isn’t safe.’  
‘It’s not like there’s anywhere else for me to go, the castle is so crowded.’  
‘Your safety is my concern, not your comfort,’ Snape snapped. There was a moment of silence before he took on a more comforting tone. ‘If you continue to sneak around at night you will end up in detention, and judging by the state of your hand, I assume you don’t want that happening.’  
‘You noticed?’  
‘You don’t exactly hide it, I believe Granger has been providing you with Essence of Murtlap?’  
‘Yeah’ Harry was mindlessly scratching the faded I must not tell lies etched into the back of his hand.  
‘You should go before she becomes even more suspicious. I’ll see you in the evening, I suggest you come to my office earlier so we can discuss what happened in class. I’ll request some more substantial food from Dobby.’  
‘Right, thank you, sir. And thanks, for the book.’ Snape nodded and Harry made his way to the door.  
‘Potter,’ Snape called. ‘I believe you’re forgetting something.’  
‘Oh right, Sorry.’ Harry quickly grabbed his bag and jogged out of the classroom.


	7. Chapter 7

‘You’ve been crying,’ Snape stated after opening his office doors. ‘You are aware it is only quarter past four?’  
‘Yeah, I’m sorry, can I come in?’  
‘Of course,’ Snape opened the door to his office wider to allow Harry entry. ‘Follow me.’ Harry didn’t say a word as Snape lead him through to his chambers and gestured for Harry to take a seat on one of the worn brown armchairs in front of the crackling fire.  
‘Would you like to tell to me the events that have caused you to be so upset?’  
‘Not particularly,’ Harry said softly to the ground.  
‘Very well, I should inform you that I have discovered a couple of possibilities for you experiencing the strong emotions of others. Would you like to hear of my findings?’  
‘That would be good, yeah.’  
‘Well the least likely scenario is that you and I are soul bonded, It is very rare and unlikely.’ Harry looked up at Snape, a look of shock plastered on his face. ‘Seeing however as you believe this to be happening to others, not me alone that makes it even more unlikely, and seeing as I’ve not experienced anything similar to your feelings, it seems nearly impossible for us to be unknowingly bonded.’  
‘I’ve never heard of that before, I thought bondings were only for marriage.’  
‘That is often the case, although occasionally the universe decides that two individuals are destined to be soulmates and decides to help them out.’  
‘Well I’m glad that’s not the case, I doubt you’d want to be stuck with me the rest of your life.’  
‘I doubt the same for you also.’ Harry’s head was back to staring at the charcoal carpeted floor.  
‘Another possibility is that you are a master legilimens, It is rare to be born with the skill, and rarer for it not to be accompanied with at the very least a proficiency in occlumency. If this is the case, however, the dark lord should not so easily be able to access your mind.’ Snape paused to see if Harry was listening, and continued when he saw him nodding along with the information being provided. ‘What I believe to be the case is simple, it is uncommon, though knowing some of what you’ve been through the last years, it would not be unexp…’ Snape looked up sharply at Harry who had suddenly begun sobbing.  
‘I’m sorry, I’m really sorry.’  
‘Stop apologizing, there is truly no need.’ Snape stood up and shifted the small table that lay between them. Moving to harry, he held his shoulders and lifted him up, and started to embrace him in what he hoped was a comforting manner. ‘Is this alright?’ Snape felt Harry nod into his shoulder, they stood like that for a few minutes until Harry’s breathing began to even out, and the flow of tears lessened.  
Holding Harry’s shoulders and leaning back, Snape looked into Harry’s shiny green eyes. ‘Come.’ Snape glided away from the fireplace and into the kitchen. ‘I wish not to turn into Molly, however, you need to eat. You had nothing for lunch and although I wasn’t there I doubt you had very much for breakfast.’  
‘That’s very kind sir, but I’m really not hungry.’  
‘Then perhaps you need to grow an appetite, Potter, You may use my kitchen to cook, as I believe it to be something that calms you, which seem is something you may require.’  
‘Really, sir, that’s very kind but I don’t want to intrude on you, I already take up way too much of your time, I should really go.’  
‘You shall not. Pots and pans are under here, utensils in the drawers, measuring and weighing equipment in here, over here is the pantry, anything not in there Dobby I’m sure will be more than happy to provide. He does seem devoted to your happiness.’  
‘Wow, thank you so much, sir, umm… is there anything you’d like to eat?’  
‘Whatever you most like to cook.’  
‘Well, I can make a lasagne or a pie, or I know you like to eat steak and salad.’  
‘You noticed?’  
‘I didn’t mean to pry, it's kind of hard not to notice, you eat it almost every night.’  
‘You’re observant, I think a pie would be good, The elves don’t make any.’  
‘Any preference to filling?’  
‘Whatever is your favourite. I’ll just sit down and grade some papers, just ask if you’d like a hand with anything, or if you want to talk.’  
‘I will, thank you.’ Harry started rummaging around for the equipment and ingredients needed while Snape left the room to get his student’s essays. After returning and setting up his piles of paper and red ink Snape notices Harry standing still over a bowl of flour.  
‘Can I help?’  
‘Err, I uh.’ Harry turned around and patted his floured hands on his black school robes, causing Snape to cringe. ‘I need butter and… and a few other things.’  
‘Of course, would you like me to send a list down to the kitchens or call on Dobby?’  
‘Umm, the first one if that’s okay.’  
‘Obviously, just write a list.’ Snape handed Harry the quill he was using and a blank square of note parchment. As Harry listed ingredients on the paper, Snape looked at the teenager in front of him. ‘You’re a very curious wizard, Harry.’  
‘Alright.’  
‘You seem more comfortable in my presence, yet you still take issue with asking for help when you need it. I think it might be the case with your studies also, Minerva and Filius say you never raise your hand in class, you never ask for help when it is clear you don’t understand the content. I can understand why you don’t in my class, but they are both very outwardly keen for you to learn and do your best.’  
‘You talk about me?’ Said Harry looking up from his list.  
‘We’re teachers, of course, we talk about students. Why do you not ask for help when you need it?’  
‘I’m not sure, I guess I don’t want to bother anyone, I mean, I should know all the stuff anyway, they’re all good teachers, except Umbridge of course. Err anyway, that should be all I need.’ Harry handed over the list. ‘I was going to do a sort of take on a steak and kidney pie if that's alright, just with more vegetables than kidney because I don’t really like it.’  
‘Sounds appetizing.’ Snape commented while reading the list, he waved his arm and the parchment disappeared before being replaced with a large tray of assorted ingredients. Harry started to cube the butter.  
‘I mean, I’d be happy with anything of course, I just thought that seeing as I’m not cooking for the Dursleys or with Molly it would be okay to experiment a bit, it could turn out really bad. And if it is I do want you to tell me, I’d like to know, I’m sorry… I should be following a recipe this is your dinner.’  
‘Potter, breathe.’ Snape began inhaling deeply before exhaling slowly, Harry soon matched his breathing with his professor’s. ‘You really needn’t worry so much. You are in the kitchen to calm down, not to get worked up about providing food for me.’  
‘Right, sorry.’ Snape looked up at Harry, then returned to working his papers and there fell a comfortable silence between them.

‘Am I allowed to ask you a question about a couple of your students?’  
‘I may not answer.’  
‘Right, well I was just wondering about Fred and George, you see they’re pretty great at fiddling with magic and inventing things and I mean, you’d think they would do really good in potions but everyone says they barely pass.’  
‘As frustrated as it makes me, they are both very good at potions, they stand at the back of the room playing around and chatting with Lee, yet somehow they’ve never done anything dangerous, risked the chance of something becoming unsafe and at the end of class they always hand in an above average sample even though it seems they’ve done nothing throughout the lesson. It really is a natural talent. As for their grades, you’d have to ask them directly.’  
‘I don’t think I’ve ever heard you compliment someone, especially any of the Weasleys before.’  
‘It has been known to happen.’  
Harry took a deep breath. ‘This is ready to go in an oven, but I’ve never used this sort of oven before and I’ll need help.’  
‘It would be my pleasure,’ Snape nodded, getting up from his seat and kneeling before the oven. ‘The base of this is stone so it allows everything to cook somewhat more evenly. If you’re worried about the base burning I can put it on a stand. It will need to be heated up by magic as I’ve long forgotten how to do it any other way.’  
‘What spell would you use for that?’  
‘Focillo, however toward the end of your wand rotation you just give it a slight flick toward the oven. You’d like to give it a go?’  
‘If you wouldn’t mind.’ Snape nodded and stood away from the open oven door. ‘Fo-sill-o,’ The oven erupted with intense heat for a few moments before Snape slammed the door shut with his foot.  
‘Well that makes sense,’ Snape murmured before pointing his wand at the oven and slowly pulling it open. ‘That should be good to go in now, do you know how long it’ll need to cook for?’  
‘About an hour, what makes sense?’  
‘If you can put the pie in, then meet me in the sitting room, we need to continue our talk from earlier.’


	8. Chapter 8

‘Pumpkin Juice?’  
‘That would be nice, thanks.’ Harry said, taking the seat he occupied earlier that evening.  
‘Would you mind if I were to remove my outer robes? It has become quite warm with the oven going.’  
‘Of course, it’s your place, I mean yeah sure, of course, of course.’ Snape gave a slight nod and gracefully pulled off his teaching robes and undid the top button of his white button-up.  
‘So err, what’s going on… with what you wanted to talk about?’   
‘We were discussing earlier, the possible reasons for your seemingly telepathic abilities, I did not finish explaining to you the reason you may be able to feel others emotions on occasion.’  
‘Yeah, it’s something bad isn’t it, I am a freak aren’t I?’  
‘You’re not a freak, really if anything it’s good news.’ Snape sat down and placed the pumpkin juice in front of Harry. ‘You’re a powerful wizard.’  
‘Ha, you sound like Hermione.’ Snape grimaced. ‘Okay, so why can I feel other people’s emotions and stuff?’  
‘I already said, you’re a powerful wizard. Your magic is unbelievably strong, so strong that from now on you’re going to have trouble keeping control over it. Over time I believe you may even rival Professor Dumbledore if you manage to control yourself and your power.’  
‘I.. uhh. Are you having me on?’  
‘Having you on what?’  
‘Blimey. Really? I mean, it explains a lot. Like, a lot.’  
‘Are there any things you believe may be a result of your power? Something your peers seem unable to do? And before you ask, being a parselmouth has nothing to do with your magical ability.’  
‘I suppose it’s more just things that I have done, like casting my Patronus, half the time I cast expelliarmus the target gets flung halfway across the room. Half the stuff for the Triwizard Tournament, I can summon things now which is super cool. I’m not really sure I know what I’m meant to be able to know how to do.’  
‘Indeed, I’ve been the victim of one of your dissarmings, not an altogether enjoyable experience I must admit.’  
‘Right, sorry about that, I was focused on other things, usually, if I concentrate I can just get the wand, but it’s hard sometimes to… I thought everyone had to do that.’  
‘No, most people have to concentrate to be able to perform any magic, not to reign their magic in.’  
‘Right. This must only be recent though, It’s taken me ages to learn spells, tonnes of practice. I’m still pants at transfiguration, and Hermione can do charms way better than me, she usually gets it the first time around, but it takes me ages in comparison.’  
‘Minerva believes you to be well above the average at transfiguration, she however sees that there is a mass room for improvement. We can tell when students haven’t practised, or read what they’re meant to have.’  
‘I still think it’s weird that professors have a life outside of the classroom.’  
‘I understand, I felt the same, and the feeling only intensifies when your professors become your colleagues.’  
‘I can imagine. What age did you start teaching?’  
‘I was 20 actually.’  
‘Really? Did you always want to teach?’  
‘I’d really prefer not to talk about my past at this moment.’  
‘Right, sorry. So power hey? All the crazy stuff seems to happen to me I guess, why should this be any different? So if I’m so powerful how come I’m still rubbish at Occlumency?’  
‘Occlumency is less about magical power and more about the power within if that’s not too cliche. It about self-discipline, it has nothing to do with the power of the individual. Legilimency however does rely slightly more on the magical power of the person casting but is also about refinement and technique.’  
‘Right. They never wrote that in the books.’  
‘Indeed, no.’ Snape’s glass of firewhiskey floated into his outstretched hand and he took a sip. ‘If I may, I’d like to know what made you come to my classroom early this morning.’  
‘Well that would involve some back story, and well I’d have to tell you some private things about other students of yours...’   
‘I keep secrets for and from a lot of powerful wizards and witches, Potter. You can trust that I shan’t tell a soul. Of course, you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to.’  
‘No, I want to tell you, I like talking to you and for some reason, I feel comfortable telling you things. Right well, it was a little while ago now so I’m not sure you’d remember, one night after dinner I was talking to Fred and George on the changing staircase just outside the great hall.’  
‘I remember, you stopped talking when I walked past.’  
‘Well, yeah anyway that was the night that I… uh came out I suppose to Hermione, and Fred and George overheard. Well eavesdropped, they were testing a new version of their extendable ears. But anyway they gave me this box you see, and it had a whole bunch of stuff for me, I think you saw me looking at some of it in my memories…’  
‘Oh, of course.’ Snape’s pale cheeks began to redden as he took another sip of his firewhiskey.   
‘Anyway, basically, George is gay and in that box was a letter from him to me, it was really kind of both of them to give me all the stuff… I ate the chocolates and lollies so quick.’  
‘I don’t understand the connection to this morning’s events.’  
‘Well when Ron found that box, he not only found out about me but also George. And well I had thought that when Ron said he was fine with me being…you know, that he would be fine with George too, but well this morning I found out that he hadn’t spoken to either Fred or George in nearly a week. I’m not really sure what happened after that, I suppose I just left and ended up in your class.’  
‘I see. Does this have anything to do with why you were crying earlier today?’  
‘That pie should be just about ready, I’ll go check on it.’ Harry stood up and walked toward the kitchen and opened the oven door. ‘Another couple of minutes and it’ll be ready. Do you have a table to set?’ Harry looked over to the seats by the fireplace and saw Snape stand.  
‘I usually just eat at the bench, I’ll conjure one up for us…’   
‘Could you teach me to conjure things? It doesn't have to be a table, I’ve just never conjured anything before. It seems pretty cool that’s all.’  
‘Of course, I can teach you, have you ever done any wordless magic?’  
‘Just the basics, Hermione’s been trying to get me to do it for the last few months. I can banish things and do basic first-year charms wordless.’  
‘Well, Conjuring objects is similar to banishing them, you simply need to imagine what you want to happen, picture the table in this case and let your wand do the work, there is no spell specifically for this, just the magic.’  
‘Right, okay. Are you sure you are okay with me doing this in here? When I try new things I have a tendency to break everything in the room.’  
‘It’s fine, I do have the ability to repair things after all.’  
‘Of course, so just point the wand where I want the table to go?’  
‘Well, you sort of circle the area…here.’ Snape walked up behind Harry and holding Harry’s wand hand with his proceeded to make circular motions at the empty space of floor. ‘Now, just imagine the table, close your eyes if that helps, and imagine it appearing in the room, imagine what it will be to sit at and eat the pie you’ve just made… there you are, you’re doing great.’ Snape spoke softly behind Harry, still guiding his hand as a small wooden table started to appear ghost-like in front of them. ‘I truly didn’t expect you to do it this well on your first try.’ Snape stepped backwards, away from Harry.  
‘Ha! That is so cool, maybe you shouldn’t have such low expectations of me.’ Said Harry moving toward the kitchen putting on the green and silver oven mitts.  
‘Perhaps. Perhaps it’s more about having higher expectations.’ Severus was conjuring up two chairs and with a flick of his wand plates, cups, knives and forks glided onto the table.


	9. Chapter 9

‘This is unbelievable. You rely on Ms Granger for potions yet you make this without a recipe, you experimented, and it tastes... amazing.’  
‘’That is very kind of you sir, thank you.’ Harry said blushing.  
‘So, how are your studies going? This last week you’ve managed to hand in all potions homework, I’m impressed as it seems to be all your own work.’  
‘I, uh suppose it’s not something you’d ever have known me to do before. It’s a shame you don’t teach Defense, it’s the only class that I’ve ever done better than Hermione in. But now that’s probably explained away by my apparently being powerful.’  
‘You ought to give yourself more credit than that, your skill in Defense Against the Dark Arts has less to do with your power and more to do with your interest, magical ability and enthusiasm. You could be ten times more powerful than you are now, but without certain qualities, you could still be the worst wizard on the planet. It’s about being able to control the power you do have, for example, in transfiguration it would take power to transfigure a boulder into a bridge but that power is useless if you don’t have the skill to turn a tulip into a teacup.’  
‘You like alliteration I see. I get what you’re saying… I think, so I just need to get better at the little things?’  
‘Exactly, for others, it would be incredibly difficult to transfigure large items with specifics, even if they can manage small items with ease, but for someone as powerful as you are there would be little difference. The situation is similar to charms.’  
‘It still feels like I’m behind where I should be with everything, I’m never going to be as smart as Hermione or as quick thinking as Ron, I’m never going to be as good as I need to be.’  
‘You’re a great wizard, and that doesn’t just mean being clever and quick thinking. You’re not just great because of your power, but your heart, your kindness, charm, thirst for knowledge, loyalty..’  
‘Charm?’ Harry interrupted.  
‘What of it?’ Severus tried to backtrack.  
‘Do you think I’m charming?’  
‘To have gone 15 years without me punching you in the nose you must be. Although, there have been a couple times I’ve been close to it.’ Severus smirked behind his glass of wine. ‘The point I was trying to make is that you’re not just a brave powerful Gryffindor, you are everything… Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Gryffindor and Slytherin.  
‘You didn’t list any Slytherin traits.’  
‘You cut me off… you’re a good leader, you can read the people in the room and tell what they need from the situation. The only thing is you don’t use that information to your advantage… you use it for them, it is why I think you’d make an excellent teacher, I’m sure you’ve already got students who would die for you...’ Snape paused when he saw the look of horror on Harry’s face.  
‘I don’t want anyone to die for me! That’s not what the DA is about, I don’t want anyone to put their life on the line for me…’ Harry was raising his voice now, his breathing becoming ragged.  
‘That’s not what I meant.’ Snape was startled at the change he was seeing in Harry.  
‘I’d die 100 times over if it would save Cedric. If I could do anything in the world...’ tears started streaming down from Harry’s eyes and he rushed to pull his hands over his face.  
‘I know you would… I didn’t mean… I shouldn’t have said… come here.’ Snape was now standing beside Harry’s seat and pulled him up by his arms and into a hugging embrace. ‘I was a fool, I never meant to imply you would want any part in this. You are noble, you are caring, you deserve only the best in life.’  
‘I’m sorry…’ Harry sobbed into Snape’s chest.  
‘Shh, you never have anything to apologise to me about anything. Do you understand? Whenever you are here with me you never have to apologise. Harry, look at me. You need to get your breathing under control, follow my breathing alright? In. Out. In… that's good, keep going.’ Snape wiped away the tears from Harry’s eyes. ‘I need to go get a calming draught for you okay?’  
‘It’s fine, I don’t need one.’  
‘I really do recommend you take something, your heart is still racing.’ It was then that the green flames in Snape’s fireplace flared.   
‘Severus? Are you there?’ Snape let go of Harry and moved toward the lounge.  
‘Yes I’m here, what do you need Minerva?’   
‘I need to come through, there is some gossip going around Gryffindor Tower and you and the other heads of house are to be warned.’  
‘Of course, just give me a moment, Potter is here.’  
‘Here? Of course he is,’ McGonagall sighed, ‘tell him to stay, I have a few questions for him too.’  
Snape turned back to Harry, ‘Are you alright?’  
‘I could use that calming drought now if it’s still on offer.’  
‘Of course, do you know the rumour Minerva is talking about?’  
‘Yeah.’ Harry looked around the room trying to look anywhere Snape wasn’t as he went around the room digging in several cabinets and pulling out several multi-coloured potions.  
‘Potter? What is the rumour?’  
‘It’s… Everyone… Ron…’  
‘Deep breath and think.’ Snape handed over the vial of calming draught.  
‘Ron told everyone I’m gay.’


	10. Chapter 10

‘Minerva, please take a seat.’ Snape gestured toward one of the armchairs. ‘I’ll fix some tea.’  
‘Thank you, Severus. Now, getting down to business, Potter, I believe you know why I’m here.’  
‘I think so, Professor. I’m sorry.’ Harry’s head hung low as he stood behind the unoccupied lounge.  
‘I believe I am still in the dark, what is it Mr Potter seems to be in trouble for?’  
‘I… I accidentally blew up a classroom, I’m so sorry, really I swear it was an accident…’  
‘You blew up a classroom?’ Snape exclaimed, gripping tighter onto the tea tray he was holding. ‘Why am I surprised, of course you would blow up a classroom.’  
‘I didn’t do it on purpose!’  
‘How do you blow up a classroom without intent, Mr Potter?’ Minerva asked, seeming more than a little surprised at the informality between Snape and Harry.  
‘I don’t know, ask him.’ Harry said, pointing at Snape who raised an eyebrow at him. ‘Err… I mean… I’m not sure, maybe professor Snape knows?’  
‘Better.’ Snape nodded at Harry and set down the tea tray. ‘It is entirely plausible that young Mr Potter here blew up a classroom, you see he, as it turns out holds an extraordinary amount of power and without knowing it seems to easily perform wordless and indeed wordless magic, when he isn’t thinking about it… obviously.’  
‘How do you know that? You haven’t seen me do it before, sir.’  
‘Did you truly not realise you were doing it less than an hour ago? The ingredients were moving of their own accord to wherever you went to pick them up. Waste was banished without you even uttering a word or looking at it. And of course, we all know about your aunt blowing up.’  
‘No, I… I didn’t know I was doing that.’  
‘I’m sorry Severus, am I really to believe Harry just blew up a classroom without doing anything?’  
‘I’m really sorry Professor, I was just so angry… I didn’t think anything like that would happen. I’ll fix it up, whatever will make it right again.’  
‘Potter, sit down and tell us what happened this afternoon, will you? The full story.’ Snape said, taking the last available seat, next to Harry.’  
‘Alright, well Hermione wanted us to talk, she said so in potions before… I mean, Ron and I to talk. So at lunch, she said for us to meet in the classroom we used last year for practice, you know for the tournament. She told Fred and George to meet us there too, and she was going to I suppose mediate.’  
‘I’m confused, mediate what?’ Minerva cut in, ‘Were you and the Weasleys having some sort of trouble?’  
‘Oh, I assumed you knew. Did they not tell you?’  
‘No one has spoken a word, in fact, I believe they are unable to.’  
‘What? Oh no, I hurt them? I didn’t mean to, I didn’t know anyone else was there I swear I would never. Oh god, they all hate me, don’t they? I’m going to get expelled, I’m going back to the Dursley’s and…’  
‘No one is expelling you, Potter, look at me, breathe with me. It was an accident, I’m sure no one is hurt, you are fine to stay here, you won’t be going back to the Dursley’s okay? It was just an accident.’ Snape was kneeling before Harry and holding onto his arms. ‘No one got hurt, did they, Minerva?’  
‘No, not at all… just uh the young Mr Weasley has a bit of a headache is all. Nobody is hurt, they just can’t speak but Professor Flitwick is working on counters as we speak.’  
‘There, see. You would never hurt anyone, not even accidentally.’  
‘I’m sorry.’ Harry whispered.  
‘No need, take a drink and continue when you’re ready.’ Harry picked up his glass of pumpkin juice from earlier that evening and took a sip. ‘Is it alright with you if I fill Professor McGonagall in on why there has been animosity between you and Weasley?’ Harry nodded and shifted uneasily in his chair, looking toward the fire. ‘Weasley has broken Potter’s trust. The Weasley twins gave Potter a gift of sorts, one he didn’t wish to share the knowledge of its contents with his friends. Mr Weasley took it upon himself to search Potter’s belongings without his permission and is now upset with what he has found out both about Potter, and his older siblings.’ Harry looked toward Snape, showing thanks at the information he chose to reveal and of course, what he chose not to.  
‘I see, and what was…’  
‘That is not relevant. I assure you it was nothing against school rules, and nothing untoward.’  
‘Very well then, Potter, please continue with your story.’  
Harry took a deep breath and continued. ‘Okay, well our last class was divination, and well Hermione isn’t in divination so Ron and I weren’t exactly talking, just sort of reading our own tea leaves, and ignoring Umbridge whenever she came close to us, what with her ‘supervising’ and all, I didn’t want to risk any more detentions.’ Harry turned over his hand where he was fidgeting in his lap so McGonagall couldn’t see the I must not tell lies etched into the skin. ‘So after Divination we went to the room to talk, and Hermione was meant to meet us there as well as Fred and George but they weren't there. Ron started talking to me when we got there though before anyone else was there and he just kept talking and talking and I asked him to be quiet because I had a headache, but he wouldn’t stop talking… and then he said… well he said something and I got really mad, I swear I didn't mean to, I really didn’t. And well, I suppose you know the rest… professor,’ Harry’s face was red and he took another sip of his pumpkin juice.  
‘There you have it Minerva, total accident… I’m sure Potter will put work into fixing the room up. Was there anything else?’  
‘Yes, a rumour has begun about Potter.’ Harry gulped aloud and looked alarmingly at Snape.  
‘Yet another one? What situation is it the boy is in now?’  
McGonagall turned toward Harry. ‘News is going around the school that you have a secret club, not authorised by Professor Umbridge.’  
‘What?’ Harry gasped.  
‘So it isn’t true?’  
‘No, I mean, well yeah… I just didn’t. Wait, hold on… where’s Hermione?’  
‘Ms Granger? She is in the staffroom I believe. Are the rumours true, Potter?’  
‘I need to talk to Hermione.’  
‘Why on earth? Just answer the question.’  
‘Not without Hermione!’ Harry flared.  
Snape stepped up. ‘Minerva, I believe it is best we indulge him, either way, I believe Ms Granger may have more of the information you want.’  
‘Oh, very well. I’ll go fetch her then, shall I? Don’t allow Mr Potter to leave, we aren’t finished with this conversation.’  
‘Of Course, Minerva. My flu will be open to you as always.’  
As McGonagall left through the green flames Snape turned to Harry. ‘I thought you said that Mr Weasley told…’  
‘I thought he did.’  
‘Well, evidently not. What do you suppose to do now that people know of your club?’  
‘It’s not my club, sir. I don’t know, I mean Hermione’s been the one to do everything so I figured she would know what to do… anyway, I don’t know what sort of trouble I’d get in telling anyone about it, I’m shocked I wasn't hexed or even cursed when I told you.’


	11. Chapter 11

‘What are you doing?’ Snape stared across his chambers at Harry filling the sink with soapy water.  
‘Umm, well I thought I’d wash up before they come back… sorry, I didn’t think you’d mind’  
‘What I meant is why are you doing it by hand?’  
‘Oh! right, sorry. I didn’t really think about it I suppose, I don’t really even know any cleaning spells.’  
‘Will you stop apologising? You can clean up by hand if you wish.’ Snape moved over to the bookshelf and pulled a book from the bottom shelf. ‘This is a book of cleaning spells if you wish to peruse it, though I’m surprised Flit… Professor Flitwick hasn’t covered it with you yet, you are fifth years.’  
‘Oh, he did, in second year but it was when Ron, Hermione and I were… um busy.’  
‘Oh?’ Snape left the book on the counter that Harry had just wiped down.  
‘Yeah, I’m sure Hermione has some old copies of her notes, I’ve not really needed or had an opportunity to clean with magic before.’ Harry picked up the teacup next to the sink and started washing it.  
‘I’m sure, the house elves tend to do it all. A few years and you’ll need to know them unless of course, you wish to go all muggle when you finish your education.’  
‘Go all muggle?’  
‘It would be understandable, as loathe as I am to admit it Dumbledore made a good decision when he chose to leave you to be raised outside of the Wizarding World.’  
‘I don’t understand what you’re talking about sir, what is going Muggle?’  
‘Oh, of course, my apologies I assumed you had heard the term. It refers to a Witch or Wizard who lives their life outside of the wizarding community, taking muggle jobs, not using magic, some even destroy their wands.’  
‘People do that?’  
‘Of course, I have thought about it many times, it is an ideal way to go into hiding. All magic leaves a trace, a slight tingle in the air you know?’  
‘Yeah, I can feel it when I’m here and it’s all individual too, like different tastes.’  
‘I’ve heard that. You can differentiate between them?’  
‘I mean, yeah… a little. Can others not?’  
‘Not usually, though that shouldn’t hold so much weight with you, Potter, being part of the crowd isn’t the best thing in the world after all.’  
‘Maybe not for you, I’ve never been anything but different, what I wouldn’t give to fit in and be like Dean or Hannah, hell even Ron, I’m so sick of people staring at me.’  
‘Me? I’ve never been anything but different, but in the end, I’ve learned to embrace it because fitting in isn’t so great, you end up disappearing, and not in a good way. I worked really hard to become part of a group where I could be like everyone else and it was the worst mistake of my life. And as for being like your classmates let me assure you that while things may be easier for them right now, and maybe for a lot longer, they could never… look, Potter I really shouldn’t be saying this but it is my belief that you are going to be the greatest wizard, and I’m not talking in regards to your power, but your kindness and generosity, you will reach a level of greatness none of your classmates could because they will never have to go through your struggles and I am not sure if you believe in karma but one day your life, and whoever is privileged enough to be in it will be payment for all of the struggles of today.’ Harry’s face has turned a shade of red.  
‘Umm… I don’t know what to… thank you, sir… I...’ for the second time that night they both heard the roar of flames only this time the sound came from the doorway leading to the potions lab where Snape and Harry had been practising occlumency.  
‘Saved by the bell I believe, follow me.’ Snape led the way and a few moments later they were walking into the potions lab only it looked slightly different than Harry remembered it. There were two long wooden benches, both with a cauldron each bubbling away, the walls were the same but for where the pensieve was, the fireplace now stood, in front of which were Professor McGonagall and a worried looking Hermione.  
Professor McGonagall was the first to speak, ‘As discussed I have brought Miss Granger though she has yet to say anything and I’m afraid I had to send the others to Gryffindor tower, Pomona alerted me that she had left her rooms. Now, will you two get on with it and tell me what is going on?’   
‘Go on, Potter. We’ve waited long enough.’ Snape stated, once again the all too familiar sour disposition taking over.  
‘Right, umm… Hermione, Professor McGonagall says there is a rumour going around about you know what and I thought you would be better at explaining it and all. I don’t know what curses you put on that form for blabbermouths so I didn’t want to say too much, and I really do think it’s time to let the Order know, probably disband if we have to, there’s too much risk and I think everyone has already learned so much they will easily pass their O.W.Ls.’  
‘Well, I suppose if there is a rumour it would be the safest course of action. What would you like to know professors?’ Hermione had gained a bit more of her confidence as she began to tell McGonagall about the DA and each of their roles in it, all the while Snape and Harry stood silently on the cobbled floor but for the occasional question directed toward Harry about what he taught.  
‘Very well you two may leave, I will be informing Professor Dumbledore of this and your group is to disband immediately. Both of you and Mr Weasley will be given detentions with me individually. I am disappointed in both of you, you should know how dangerous going against the ministry in any way can be.’  
‘As dangerous as facing Voldemort with people who can’t defend themselves against his death eaters I bet. I don’t know what is coming professor, mostly because no one will tell me anything, but what I do know is that every student should at least be given the opportunity to learn how to defend themselves. I know that what we did was dangerous, and foolish, I even understand your disappointment, but what Hermione didn’t tell you is that as risky as it was, it was also well thought through, precautions were taken and it was well worth it. I may not have wanted to do it at first, but I am very glad that I did… Professor.’   
‘Well, that is certainly something to think about, Potter. Now, both of you are to go to bed immediately, I’m sure Professor Snape will allow you both use of his Flu to get directly to the Gryffindor Common Room.’  
‘I suppose if they must, just ensure they don’t cause irreversible damage.’ Snape crossed his arms and left through the door toward his rooms.


	12. Chapter 12

‘Harry? I have a lot of questions you know.’  
‘I know, can they wait until the morning? I’m really tired.’  
‘I suppose, and I know about what Ron said which made you, you know, lose control. I just thought I should let you know… no one knows, he didn’t tell anyone. I just thought you’d want to know.’  
‘Uh, thanks… you know that talk I was going to have with Ron, I think I’m ready for it now. But it has to be on my terms okay? Before breakfast, I’ll meet you out near the Herbology sheds. I’ll tell Ron.’  
‘Oh, okay then.’  
‘Goodnight.’  
‘Night.’

 

‘Silencio’  
‘Alright Ron, time to wake up.’ Harry was whispering as Ron jolted awake, eyes wide. ‘It’s okay, I know it's early but we’re going to have that chat, only this time you don’t get to talk right away. You see, you have this tendency to wind me up lately and I want to get to say what I have to say. Is that okay with you?’  
Ron nodded, still silenced by the spell. ‘Alright, get dressed and I’ll meet you downstairs, we’re going down to the greenhouses, and don’t look so worried, Hermione is coming too.’

‘Alright, so I am going to talk and you are both going to listen. If you don’t like what I say that’s okay I understand. There is a lot that I never told you, and even more that you don’t understand. So is that okay?’  
‘Go ahead Harry. We won’t interrupt.’  
‘Brilliant, alright… so I suppose I should start at the beginning then. I don’t have any parents. They’re dead, so I don’t really understand what it is like to have someone to ask for help. There are a lot of holes in my knowledge because of it and that’s fine, I’ve lived with that so far, and none of this,’ Harry waved his hands around himself, ‘is because of them, what I really gotta tell you about is the Dursleys. I have never really told you anything about them, I know I told you that they weren’t feeding me, and Ron saw the bars on the windows. Honestly, I never minded that stuff so much, because at the time I knew it was wrong of them. It’s the stuff that happened when I was little that… you’re meant to trust your parents to look after you… and I didn’t have anyone to tell me I didn’t have parents until I was in school. The Dursleys always treated Dudley like he was an angel, and I could never understand what I was doing wrong, why I always got shouted at.’ Tears were forming at Harry's eyes, and he casually brushed them away.  
‘They didn’t respect me, they didn’t see me as a person, I wasn’t allowed anything to call my own, I never knew anything about my parents or even myself, until I came here. And I truthfully don’t mind that, I thought it was normal, the way it was with every family until I came here and you both told me otherwise. I trusted them because that’s what I was meant to do, and every day there was a violation of that trust.  
‘I wasn’t allowed information, I was never allowed to ask questions, I learned next to nothing at school because of Dudley and his friends, a luxury I never had until I met you two. And I never showed you this either…’ Harry lent down and pulled a book out of his bag, opening it he took out the envelope that was hidden inside. ‘This was my Hogwarts letter, and you can see the address.’ He showed them where Cupboard under the stairs was written, then carefully placed the envelope back in the book, quickly shoving it in his backpack.   
‘So where was I? Oh right, yeah so there were a lot of trust issues growing up, then I came to Hogwarts found out a little about Voldemort, then during the holidays I never received your letters and honestly didn’t think much of it… you were busy and I wasn’t worth the trouble. Hedwig wasn’t allowed to fly either… I’d finally gotten my own bedroom, but they decided to put bars on the window as you both know.’  
‘Then as you know, Fred, George and your self, Ron came to my rescue. And I met your parents. For the first time in my life, I was around another family and it was… incomprehensible. No one got yelled at, there was food, everyone was talking to each other, and I kept trying to signal to Ginny not to ask so many questions to Mr Weasley, but he answered every one like it was nothing. I wasn’t expected to cook, or clean, there was love, and I couldn’t imagine why anyone would complain about it. I cried every night I was there because I realised how broken I was. It was then that I realised I had to learn to be like you, to not flinch, to stand up and say things I usually kept to myself, I realised that maybe I wasn’t wrong.’ Harry’s face was now covered in tears.  
‘You want to know why I snap sometimes? Why I get angry? Because I thought I found a place where I could be safe, where Vernon couldn’t lay his hands on me, where I could laugh and smile, where I could have a family like you two have. I can’t, and I never will. Voldemort is always going to follow me around, and no matter how hard I try to fit in and be like everyone else the whole wizarding world is making sure that I never will. So yeah, I’m angry and upset. And that’s not even talking about the breach of trust over the holidays, of the Order, of Dumbledore. I am supposed to face him, Voldemort, at the end of the day all of that weight is on my shoulders because I know, like some sort of instinct that I’m the one who has to face him, alone. Him vs me and that is how it is going to end… Alright well, I think that is most of what I had to say, and I think there is still some time so I’m going to grab some toast.’ Harry turned to the side to pick up his backpack when he nearly got bowled over by the force or Hermione, and even more to his surprise Ron hugging him incredibly tight.  
‘I’m so so so sorry Harry, I never knew… I’ll be your family Harry, you can come live with me in the holidays. I promise I’ll never leave you.’ Hermione wasn’t letting go an eventually kicked Ron to say something. Ron’s face was buried in Harry’s shoulder and he was sobbing uncontrollably… but no sound was made. ‘Oh, right. Finite incantatem.’ All of a sudden they could hear the loud sobbing and repeated apologies coming from Ron.  
‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I never meant for this to happen, I’m the worst friend and I don’t deserve your trust, I’m sorry, I’ll never do anything like that again, I was being selfish, I never thought… I’m so sorry, I never realised… please forgive me, I’m sorry.’ Hermione finally let Harry go and moved around to Ron who she pulled away from Harry, to hug him herself.  
‘You know what you two, I really think we deserve some time away from classes today, what’s say we head over to Madame Pomfrey, the twins gave me some new Skiving Snackbox snacks to try out… I don’t mind sharing.’   
‘I think that’s a brilliant plan, Harry… and I certainly don’t think Ron would disagree.’


	13. Chapter 13

After being cured of their elongated limbs soon after getting to the infirmary, Harry, Ron and Hermione all begged Madame Pomfrey to let them stay until the start of their second lesson. Seeing the blotchy faces of Harry and Ron, clearly not from the new Weasley inventions, she reluctantly agreed. The three spent their time talking of quidditch, magical theory and the difference between the muggle and magical worlds. Harry was sat up in his bed, Hermione sitting cross-legged at the end of the bed, and Ron was sat in the chair beside them.  
‘I think there should be more research done about technology around magic, every time I go home there is more stuff out there, and I really think that it would be cool to listen to music that isn’t on a record. I’m starting to get sick of Lavender and Parvati playing The Weird Sisters on repeat’ Hermione said, deep in conversation.  
‘I agree, like even just basic muggle things, like exercise books and pens. I get that parchment and quill are sort of fitting in the castle but it would make life so much easier if...’ Harry stopped talking, Ron and Hermione quickly turned around to see what Harry was staring at… Professor Snape.  
‘Mr Potter, if you dare think to use such muggle instruments on anything you hand to me you’d be safer to withdraw from the school entirely.’  
‘Yes, sir… what are you doing here?’  
‘Potter, I do not have to answer to you.’ Snape shifted his gaze toward Ron and squinted then focused his eyes again on Harry. ‘Don’t forget about your detention this evening, I’ll have quite a few cauldrons to be cleaned once your class is done this afternoon, ironically your class will be starting cleaning potions.’  
‘Cleaning potions? I thought we were doing potions with rare ingredients until next week.’  
‘Did you? well, what a shame you aren’t in charge of my lesson plans. With you O.W.Ls a little over a month away you must practically be a brewing genius.’  
‘That’s ah… sorry, sir.’ Harry smirked.  
‘You three ought to be getting to class, you have only minutes before the bell rings. You wouldn’t want to be late now.’  
‘Yes, sir. We’ll get going.’  
‘Also Weasley, you have detention with Filch this evening.’  
‘What! Why? I haven’t even done anything!’ Ron shouted.  
‘You’re yelling in the infirmary with ill patients about… that’s very antisocial behaviour.’  
‘But… but that’s not fair!’  
‘Ten points. I am your Professor, and you shall address me as such.’ Snape turned to Harry and gave the slighted nod before stepping forward and leaving into Madam Pomfrey's office.  
‘Harry? Why are you smiling? The absolute git! I did nothing wrong, there isn’t even anyone else in here… and with Filch! I’d rather scrub out cauldrons with you Harry, he’s the one that gave me detention so I should at least serve it with you and, as much as it pains me to say it, Snape.’ Hermione gave him an incredulous look. ‘What are you looking at me like that for?’  
‘Honestly? Do you really think Harry is going to be cleaning cauldrons this evening?’  
‘What!? You’re not going to ditch are you?’ Ron murmured.  
‘Ron. Occlumency.’ Harry whispered a little louder than he would've if there were others around.  
‘Oh, right...I forgot about that I suppose, how’s that going anyway? It sucks that you’ve gotta spend so much time with the greasy bat, sorry I can’t help.’  
‘Nah, It's not so bad… I think I’m actually learning some stuff. Occlumency is actually pretty interesting, once I learn how to keep Voldemort out, I think I might want to keep learning it… to protect my mind and all that stuff.’  
‘I’m pretty sure if you can keep you know who out you would already be pretty bloody good at it mate.’  
‘Yeah I suppose you wouldn’t be wrong there, well maybe I might take to legilimency, which is the other bit, the getting into people’s heads bit.’  
‘I dunno, seems a little creepy to me. I take it that’s the bit that Snape does then?’  
‘Yeah, but it’s not creepy at all, it’s kinda cool actually and it would be dead useful. In duels and stuff, getting an idea of what spells they have on their mind, what sort of harm they want to cause you.’  
‘Well, when you say it like that it sounds awesome… there are a few people I’d love to know what are thinking but then with people like Crabbe and Goyle you’d probably get straight through to whoever was standing behind them… they’ve got no minds at all between ‘em.’  
As they were laughing the bell rang and all three of them got up and headed to the history of magic classroom.  
‘Hey, ‘Mione you wouldn’t happen to know where the rumour started about the DA? We’re going to have to let all the others know we can’t meet up any longer.’ Harry held the infirmary door open for the other two.  
‘I’m not sure, but I’ve been thinking about it and I can’t really understand any way we could’ve messed up. I’d know if any other members told, but they haven’t…’  
‘Yeah, about that. How come nothing happened to me when I had to tell Snape?’  
‘Well you didn't write your name on the sign-up sheet, did you? Ron did but I didn’t in case a situation like last night happened.’  
‘Right.’  
‘Speaking of, what did happen last night? All I remember is the room blowing up, not being able to talk and then Flitwick fixing us up before we had to go to the common room, oh yeah and you ‘Mione left with McGonagall just as soon as we could talk again.’  
‘Well all I remember is an explosion and then we couldn’t talk… it seemed pretty suspicious to me, and then McGonagall took me to I think it was a potions classroom but it was not one I’d ever seen in the castle bef…’  
‘It was me.’ Harry cut in. ‘I did it, the explosion… I didn’t mean to I promise, I should’ve stayed to see you were all okay but I saw you all getting up and I was upset so I ran away and I’m really sorry I’ll do better next time. I… I’ll make sure there isn’t a next time.’  
‘What? You blew up a classroom?’ Ron stood still, and Harry and Hermione did the same. ‘How are you not expelled? Why would you blow up… anything let alone a whole bloody classroom?’  
‘It was an accident, I really didn’t mean to… just when you said that no one else cared about… you know, I thought you had told them and I got really angry and I honestly didn’t know it was going to happen.’  
‘What, so that was accidental magic? I thought that didn’t happen anymore and well that was a whole classroom… there’s no way that could’ve been accidental surely.’  
‘Actually Ron, I think given Harry’s track record for weird and powerful things it doesn’t seem too far out the ways. Anyway, I’ll figure out how anyone found out about the DA at lunch when we tell everyone. Now that there is no more DA we don’t have to spend as much effort trying to hide it.’  
‘I suppose, but I wouldn’t go shouting out about it either… hang on, what’s that?’

Grade 5 Gryffindor/Hufflepuff History of Magic class  
You are to be in the great hall this period as Professor Binns is unable to teach.  
Professor Severus Snape

‘Oh, you can’t be serious! We just spoke to the git, he couldn't have said? Of course not! He lives to make our lives miserable.’  
‘Come on Ron, we better not be late.’  
‘I wonder what’s going on, Binns has never missed a lesson… I mean, he is a ghost, he can’t exactly be sick can he?’  
‘Perhaps Umbridge has sacked him… you know Trelawney is apparently out of a job… Lavender and Parvati were in tears last night, apparently, Dumbledore saved her from being banished from the castle entirely. It would be interesting to see who is going to replace her, I don’t see any divination professor being “ministry approved”.’  
As the three of them bounced down the last few stairs they all looked up into the great hall and stood still.  
‘Wow.’ whispered Ron, eyes wide.  
‘Unbelievable.’ Hermione stated  
‘I Bloody love magic!’ Harry smiled, his eyes full of awe. He stepped forward to join his class in the great hall for the rest of their History of Magic lesson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, I really appreciate all of your Kudos and comments, I read and appreciate every single one so thank you. I don't always reply because... I don't know why. But I love them all the same and I'm going to start trying to reply to them if that is something any of y'all want.
> 
> Also, I know you don't know me or anything but I'm super excited because I'm moving from Australia (where I live) to England in a few months. And I'd love to make friends if anyone is interested hmu.  
> *laughing at my anxious and desperate self trying to be cool and casual*
> 
> Oh, also I can't figure out how to Italicise if anyone could help that would be brilliant.


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